March of the MOPO

I'm Not Dead Yet!

2007-03-24T00:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead yet
I can laugh and I can sing
I'm not dead yet
I can do the highland fling

What I am is easily distracted. I guess life can do that to ya. So what has changed since last... october was it? Well let's see...

Since my last entry was about the little fiasco upstairs, I'll update that. I've been summonzed twice to testify against the dude, and both times the case has been continued. The third summons has just come in the mail, but if the trial date is after May 15, theres a problem.

That problem being that Kathy and I have taken summer employment at the Black Hills Playhouse near Custer S.D. She's going to design two sets and be the charge scenic artist, while I'm going to act as Technical Director and design lights for one show. We have to be there May 15, and it's probably a 10 hour drive (conservative estimate) so they'd better get this freak in front of a jury soon or they'll loose the "little old lady downstairs" (See Twelve Angry Men)

But we're excited about the jobs. Plus, we'll be able to take the cat with us. Remember the cat with the foobar eye? He's doing really well these days. No trace of the old eye problems, fat and happy. A side benifit of all the pills I had to force down his gullet is that now he's perfectly content to lay upside down on my lap, so long as I don't try to force feed him anything. The result is I can comb out his belly, which is where the matting always gets out of hand, (which if you remember was what initiated the entire affair.) Things good there.

Um...Pirates... right... taking a break from pirating for a while. The summer job means I won't be able to hold rehearsals with the renaissance troupe, so I've more or less disbanded the group. Steve will continue with his pirate gig I suppose (Pirates of Tortuga) and I wish him the best of luck. I've resigned from that group as well. Let's just say there was a difference of mind-set that was becoming alarmingly clear... and I really don't care much for people trying to force their values on me, pirate or not. So, though I shall remain a pirate at heart, unfortunately I won't be making any money at it for the time being. It's a hobby we'll pick back up tho... Kathy and I are developing a new show for 2008... sort of a "Pirates on Avenue Q" sorta thing.

Anyway... we're alive and kicking... hope you are to!

Monster in the attic

2006-08-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Woke up Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. to the sounds of a lot of thumping and banging around in the apartment above ours. Then I heard screaming. Or at least I thought I heard screaming... I wasn't sure, as I had just woken up and the bedroom TV had been left on all night. So I got up and turned the TV off, listening intently for fifteen or twenty secons. I could still hear thumping, and maybe muffled voices... but maybe the screaming had been in my imagination. We live in an old house that's been split into apartments, and it's surprisingly sound proof... usually a good thing. But, I sort of wandered through the different rooms, trying to see if I could get a better listen. The thumping and crashing continued, and I was pretty sure I could make out people yelling at each other.

At any rate, it was obvious I wasn't getting any more sleep that morning, so I decided to go outside on the front porch and have a smoke.

Once outside, from the upstairs window that faces the front of the house, I heard a woman sobbing, the kind of sobbing you hear from a person who has been traumatized. Then I heard more crashing, and things took a distincly nasty turn when I heard what sounded like a person choking... or more accurately a person being choked. I finally decided something was terribly amiss upstairs, and leaning out over the rail so I could see the window above, I yelled "what the hell is going on up there?"

A girl's face appeared in the window. She locked eyes with me an screamed: "Please help me -- he won't leave me alone!"

A shiver ran down my spine. Last year the girl who lived below us woke up to find a strange man standing over her bed. She had screamed at the guy and he fled... but what if he was back? I shouted back "I'm calling the cops!"

Ran inside and dialed 911, and as I was talking to the dispatcher I looked out the back window and saw some guy running like a jackrabbit down the alley behind the house. After completing the call to 911, I ran back out and yelled up to see if she was okay. Asked if the guy was still there, she said no. Asked if she knew who the guy was, she said yes. Told her the police were on the way. She thanked me profusely. It was easy to tell she was terrified.

Cops show up, and I tell them what I heard etc. They asked me to write a statement, which of course I did, mentioning that I had asked if she knew the guy. When the officer was looking over my statement, he looked at me and asked "did she really say she knew the guy?" I said yes, and he shook his head. "She told us she was being robbed and didn't know the guy... we had a feeling she was lying. We think it's her boyfriend... and we're pretty sure we know who the guy is."

Later that afternoon, I came home from work and there was a message on the phone from a detective. I called her back, and she said they had caught the guy, then asked if I'd be able to identify him. Unfortunately, I never did get a look at his face, and had no idea of whether I'd seen him before or not, so I had to tell her no. I've seen enough Law and Order to know what a bad identification can do to a case. Anyway, she tells me that it was this girls boyfriend and that it's the third time they've arrested him for battering her. She thanked me for calling 911, saying that it's rare for a neighbor to get involved. I don't know about you, but when somebody is screaming for help, it seems inconceivable that it would be ignored, but I guess it happens.

Now, I have a friend who works for a radio station here in town. This morning he was putting together his a.m. news items, and found this guy on the blotter. According to the news report, the girl had a restraining order against this dude, and he had broken into her apartment and assaulted her. Once the police had caught up with him, he attacked an officer and bit the officer on the leg! Apparently he put up a pretty good fight, and they had to use mace to subdue him. He's been charged with breaking and entering, felony assault, failing to comply with a legal restraining order, resisting arrest, assaulting an officer and probably a few other counts as well. His bail bond was set at $120,000.

$120,000! They obviously want to keep this guy behind bars! It creeps me out to think he was basicly in our house! I know it's a different apartment, but let's face it... it's one big house with a common back stairwell, and this guy was only feet from our back door. Very spooky! It's like discovering that some ancient evil has been lurking over your sleeping body.

Not all monsters are myth and fiction. Some are very real. I don't know what might have happend if I hadn't gotten involved, but I have a sneaky feeling that this girl might have wound up dead. Don't let these preditors get away with their crimes. Don't hesitate to get involved if you sense someone is in trouble... it's worth being wrong and irritating someone by trying to help than ignoring the possibility and allowing someone to get hurt.

Be safe everyone... beware of monsters.

D-D-S-S

2006-07-26T10:01:00.000-07:00

Ah, you know how it can be some weeks... seems like you're just living the same day over and over and over, with nothing new, nothing exciting, nothing noteworthy.

That's been the existance here in Manhattan Kansas for the last couple of weeks. It's just been the basic daily grind of going to work, coming home, going to bed, getting up, going to work. Some days it seems like I'm doing a lot and not accomplishing anything, and other days it seems like I'm not doing anything at all.

Mostly I'm bored. I'm ready for wifey to come home, that's for sure. It's another three weeks until her summer gig ends, and those three weeks can't pass quickly enough. I've had enough TV dinners in the last couple weeks to last a lifetime. (By the way... I've discovered a fondness for the brownies in the "Hungry Man" dinners. Very good with a scoop of ice cream.)

Lets see... the cat is doing much better these days. That eyelid problem seems to have cleared up, and he's looking almost normal. His pupil in the affected eye is still not responding in co-ordination with the "good" eye, so I don't think we're quite out of the water yet, but the improvement has been very encouraging after the misery a couple weeks ago. He seems to regard me as his friend again these days, and doesn't seem to stay angry with me after our little "medication rituals." Yesterday he was chasing a scrap of paper across the floor, which is a really good sign out of a 10 year old cat. Of course, with the atropine in his eye (to keep the pupil dilated) I wonder if he's not seeing things with a bit of an aura around them. For all I know he's stoned off the stuff. If it weren't for the excessive drooling associated with the atropine, I'd be tempted to try it myself. (no, not really.)

Getting set for the Fall semester... it will be buisy again but not the insanity of last spring. I've decided to let my job as Scene Shop Supervisor go... too many sticks in the fire and along with wifey's input, we decided school was the priority. Still, with a class load that includes playwriting, directing, dramatic structure and biology, there will be no shortage of demands on my time. Of course, like an idiot I forgot to order my football tickets on line, so now I'll be lucky to see the Huskers come down here and play, but since my dad managed to get season tickets in the new expansion of Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, I might get to see a couple Husker home games.

Not a ton of stuff other than that... we have Renaissance gigs coming up in late August and through the month of September, so right now it's just rehearsals when we get a chance and a little script development. I've been doing a lot of research into the actual phenomina of pirate mock trials (something they actually did for fun) and the methods pirates used to maintain justice on their own ships... which is pretty fascinating actually. They appointed judges, advocates and juries (the accused was allowed to select jury members) and with luck, the research will lead to a new set of stage shows. If anything, I'll never let MOPO become stagnant. New material every year until we've got so much we can't remember it all. (Which some might argue has happened already... LOL)

That's it for now. Ta!

I've had alls I can takes... I can't takes it no more!

2006-07-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Okay... I've always said that I'll never get political on this blog, and that I won't discuss hot-button topics such as war in the gulf, intelligent design, gay marriage, abortion, flag burning, pit bull banning or other such issues.

And I wont. However... with wifey gone, I find myself suddenly without an outlet for my little rants. I read the paper every day and I'm especially addicted to the local section and reading letters to the editor. Not a day went by without me turning to wifey and saying "look at this idiotic comment!" Well, a day or two ago it happened again... only no wifey sitting there, and truth be told, the cat couldn't care less about somebody complaining about the Dixie Chicks having to cancell a concert due to low ticket sales.

So... I've started a new blog wherein I will spout off about such things and the way I percieve what's wrong with the world we live in. You can find it by clicking here. The link is also to be found over on the sidebar ------>

(ed. note: Well well well... seems Blogger won't allow me to add a link in my blog circle to a Word Press blog. Fine then... it's the "The Rant and The Roar" link in the "links" section.)

(ed. note #2: No... I was wrong about that. I simply wasn't smart enough to republish the entire blog so the template changes would show up. It's in the blog circle sidebar. Ooops.)

I'm no expert in world or local affairs, but just like everyone else, I have certain anatomical features and even an opinon. This blog will still roll on with the details of whats going on in my life, but the new blog will give me a place to vent, sermonize, soap-box and otherwise irritate people who disagree with me. Check it out if you are so inclined.

On other fronts... Questor seems to be improving somewhat. His eye has begun looking normal for extended periods of the day. That third eyelid still tends to creep up, but I am now seeing some improvement. I think it has a lot to do with having him at home were I'm 100% sure he's getting his meds all the time, and in an environment where love and carring are able to supliment medical science. I think it just goes to show that even with animals, being in a place where affection and companionship are a major part of the mix speeds any kind of healing.

Right... nothing else to report.

PEACE!! (it's not a request.)

POTC: Dead Man's Chest

2006-07-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Okay... I know you're all just dying to find out what I thought of Disney's latest record-breaking-summer-block-busting-amusement-park-on-film release... so stand fast mates... here be me review! I've tried to avoid spoilers, but beware... these waters be uncharted!

First, let me just say that my personal predilections lead me to enjoy things that are as far removed from reality as I wish I personally could be... and that as a theatrically minded person, I am entirely willing to suspend my disbelief for a couple of hours and let myself be taken into another world where the laws of logic and physics don't mean shyte. Therefore, the more audacious and risk taking a fantasy flick is (and this series is pretty much fantasy with a modicum of historical base) the more I'm disposed to enjoy it.

I did enjoy this movie, quite thoroughly. I thought that the cinematography was very well executed by and large... making it a very pretty film to look at. My only complaint as far as camera angles and cuts (as they usually tend to be) were during fight sequences when I felt the shots were a little too tight. This may be due to my familiarity with live steel shows, where you can take in the technique and action in a sweeping view. However, in POTC II, some of the action was difficult to see because the camera would cramp in so tightly and the MTV style of two second cuts always makes me wonder if the choreography is a little lacking. However, this minor complaint aside, it's a beautifully shot film. Definitely up to Disney live-action standard, and perhaps a little above.

The plot was far more complex in this edition than in the last, most likely because this film is in effect the first half of a longer story. Yes, it's meant to be a trilogy (with rumors of Depp's willingness to do a 4th film) but in the prudent style of Hollywood, the first film was done to stand on it's own feet, whereas this one ends on a blatant cliff-hangar, lacking only the "tune in next week" voice-over at the end. Therefore, there are a lot of goings on and happenings, new characters and plot developments that practically trip over each other as the movie bounds along... only stopping when it's time for another wild action sequence.

Of which there are plenty, both at sea and on land. In a movie populated by giant sea monsters, cursed half-human half-fish pirates, undead monkeys, magic compasses, heavily accented witch women and a disembodied beating heart, it's not unexpected that the action sequences would likewise eschew any resemblance to what might actually be possible. I've seen some implausible action sequences before, but this movie pulls off some stunts that are so impossible it almost looks fake... but quite honestly, the over-the-top antics are part of what makes this movie a lot of fun to watch. It's as if the producers and directors are telling you right up front: "This isn't real... it's a movie!" For me it worked, although some others have complained somewhat about the absurdity of certain elements. But I figure... eh, whatever. If I buy the giant squid and a man who's head is an octopus, I can deal with incredulous fight scenes. Besides, a good deal of humor and tongue-in-cheek moments kept me completely engaged.

But this does give rise to a slight complaint... the over whelming reliance on CGI to make this movie work. At least, given the Earthly setting of the film, the locations are real (even parts of the ghostly Flying Dutchman were constructed out of real wood and metal) so unlike the latest Star Wars installments, there is a "real" feeling to most of the movie. All the same, some of the CGI is a bit overwhelming and moves so fast it's sometimes hard to focus on anything other than "I wonder how long it took to render that!" The crew of the Dutchman are amazing to look at, but there are so many little moving details on some of them (a morray eel residing in the gut of one and pulsing barnacles on others) that they almost become distracting. However, that is the price of spectacle, and Dead Man's Chest is absolutely full of breath-taking moments of that particular quality.

Overall, the performances are up to standard. Johnny Depp once again provides us with his Keith Richards influenced Captain Jack Sparrow, who only seems to be able to retain his balance when actually on a ship, but his swaying, staggering, seemingly constantly inebriated character is no less fun to watch than the first time around. Keira Knightley's Elizabeth Swan is given a little more to do in the action sequences, far from a damsel in distress, she is a woman who takes action to get what she wants, even if she's not quite sure exactly what that might be. Orlando Bloom as Will Turner is still the weakest link in the cast, (of this or any film he's in) but attractive and dashing enough to merit the movie's homage to Douglas Fairbank's famous "sliding down the sail with a dagger" stunt, and I suppose gives the ladies something to drool over. Bit players Lee Arenberg and Mackenzie Crook reprise their roles with great effect (I especially enjoyed the argument over the correct pronunciation of "kraken," and wondered how many of those "let's get every detail correct" historical accuracy types understood the jab) and Kevin McNally returns as Gibbs, with wonderful comic timing and priceless physicality.

But, the man who steals the show, in my opinion, is Bill Nighy as Davey Jones. Despite the intricate costume, tentacled beard and CGI enhanced appearance, Nighy puts on a display of technical acting that I believe is near unequaled in recent memory. Look at it this way... the only tools the man had to work with were his eyes and his voice, and he did an absolutely stunning job with both. Helped in part by some key close-ups to feature his delayed sideways glances, he gives an outstanding example of what is referred to as "mask acting" that really exhibits what a talented performer can accomplish with the barest of essentials. His vocal cadences and rhythms were spot on, and of all the cast Nighy is the only one who actually sounds like a pirate.

Jack Davenport, returning as the conniving James Norrington is perhaps the only member of the cast who gets the opportunity to show some character development, cropping up in Tortuga bitter and resentful (and drunk) having lost his commission after failing to capture Jack. A very nice turn from his character in the first film.

A far less convincing performance is given by Naomie Harris as the witch woman Tia Dalma, whose accent was so thick you almost wanted sub titles... which I thought was quite strange considering how important her dialog is, not just to this installment, but to the one that is yet to follow. However, in a creepy, morbid way, Harris is sensual and captivating, even if it does appear she's been drinking Tidy-Bowl.

Despite the little pokes I've been taking at various elements, this movie is a fun romp end to end. It's different enough from the first movie that you don't feel like you're watching a rehash of what worked the first time around, but stays faithful to it's best elements... the performances of Depp and Knightley, strong supporting cast members, a host of clever one-liners and total disregard for reality. There are enough turns and twists in the plot to keep it unpredictable, and if you can foresee what happens at the very end of the last reel, you're more attuned to the universe than I am. (Of course, if you've looked at a cast list, you've probably seen Geoffry Rush listed... am I saying too much?)

Speaking of the last reel... do stay and watch the credits. As in the first movie, there is an Easter egg awaiting those faithful who don't dash for their cars as the credits roll.

Things to consider for families... this movie is a little more frightening than the first. The Crew of the Flying Dutchman caused some of the wee ones close to me to burrow into their seats, and of course there is a hefty amount of violence... but mostly bloodless and relatively non-graphic (unlike another recent "trilogy" that had some sort of beheading fetish) and a disembodied, yet pulsating heart that caused one little tot to scream out loud. (poor kid) I can't think of any moments of harsh language (it IS Disney after all) and it's a long movie... 160+ minutes. I'd say if your kids are under the age of 9 or 10, you might go ahead and get a babysitter for the evening. If you do decide to bring them, just remind them that kicking the seat in front of them is rude and irritating and may cause the pirate in that seat to turn and snarl.

I give this flick four out of five "arrrrghs" Not quite as good as the first, but that's expected in the second act of a three act story.

Toxo-what-osmisos?

2006-07-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Toxoplasmosis. Let's add one more new term to my growing lexicon of medical terminologies that have recently been learned through the interaction of my cat and my veternarian.

So there I was... on vacation... on a Sunday... getting ready to board the ferry with wifey to visit Macinac Island in Michigan when the phone rings. Yes, these days I have the vet's number on the cell phone and when they call the phone plays... take a guess... "Eye Of The Tiger"

Anyway... the vet calls and once again she starts rattling off a string of doctor words... many of them sound latin, many of them don't make sense, many of them seem to be in random order. At any rate, once I ask for her to explain things to me in terms a pirate can understand, the basic gist of her message gets through. The last blood test has finally come back, and our poor Questor, on top of his other ailments, has a complicating case of toxoplasmosis to add to the long list of medical ailments. From what I can figure out... it goes something like this...

Many cats are carriers of the Toxoplasma gondii parasite... a little protozoa that they can get from eating rodents or birds. Like the FIV virus, these little buggers can sit around inside the cat, causing little to no health problems until some other circumstance allows them to come out of a dormant stage and cause problems... for the cat AND for humans alike. Apparently, this is why pregnant women are not supposed to clean litter boxes... because of these parasites.

So... at some point in Questors history, most likely when we left him on our in-laws farm for a few months while we were working a summer job, he ate a bird or a mouse or a baby rabbit and picked up this parasite (or he may have had it earlier... we'll never know for sure.) Then he got into a tussle with a FIV infected kitty, and both of these diseases just kind of sat there like a pair of time bombs, just waiting for some contributing factor to light the fuse.

We do the whole shave/teeth cleaning/boarding thing, and the cat is under just enough stress that the FIV erupts, giving the toxoplasmosis an opportunity to flare up, both of which contribute to the conjunctivitis and other potential eye problems.

Upshot of it all... now poor kitty is on yet ANOTHER med... so we're currently up to four. The atropine drops (the stuff that makes him drool and vomit) have pretty much done their work, so he only gets the pleasure of that stuff when his eye is not dialating, so that's about every other or every third day or so. He still gets the other drops three times a day, the paste twice a day, and now he gets two pills (for the toxoplasmosis) twice a day. It's two pills because 125 mils. is the reccomdended dosage, and the pills come in 75 and 50 mil dosages.

Either that, or the vet figured out a way to squeeze and extra $50 out of my pocket. I'm honestly not sure anymore. I am very seriously thinking that the next time this cat needs to see a vet, he sees a different doctor. I think it may be time for a second opinon here. Wouldn't it be something to find out that the poor guy has been mis-diagnosed the whole time?

At any rate, he's home now, and I think it will be a cold day in hell before I have him boarded again. When I went to pick him up, the nurse asked if I would come back and get him out of the cage myself. "He doesn't like me very much" she said. So I gamely went back to the isolation room, and first noticed the thing was basicly a closet. A dark, unlit closet. The nurse opens the door, and there's Questor in his cage... hissing at the girl and literally swiping at her through the bars. Have you ever met someone you disliked so much that whenever you saw them the first thing you wanted to do was claw them beyond recognition? That was this cat's reaction to the woman. I have a VERY strong suspicion that the only time my cat had human contact was when they came in, squirted goo in his eye, shoved paste down his throat, forced him to swallow pills and gave him food and water... other than that, I think they pretty much ignored him. Needless to say, he was pretty happy to see me, and for the first time ever, I had no trouble whatsoever getting him into his travel crate. I got him back to the house and determined that whatever the consequences, he was going to have a med-free day. Of course, this morning we were right back at it... but for one evening, maybe the last in his life, nobody was going to force him to do anything he didn't want to do.

So anyway... that's the update. Later tonight I think I'll add a comment to this post and list the meds he's on... see if any of my fellow animal friends out there recognize any of the drugs.

On a brighter note, the vacation was very relaxing, the anniversary was pleasant and fairly romantic, and Wifey is doing well up in Bay View. The only real down moment (other than the call from the vet) was falling out of a kayak on Lake Michigan and ruining my almost brand new cell phone. Silly pirate wasn't smart enough to leave the phone on shore... LOL. Okay... that's enough for today.

Peace!!

Just a little venting

2006-06-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Okay... those of you who hate to read about a person expressing personal misery over the injustice and trials of the universe... stop now and move onto another blog.

Those of you who don't like to think about animals in distress, you may wish to skip this one as well... it won't be pleasant.

Here's the story. Our cat, Questor (pictured above) is obviously a long hair breed... not pure-bred I'm sure, but with a healthy dose of Maine Coon in his DNA. So he's big and he's strong and he's furry. So furry in fact, that his hair is predisposed to matting, and try as we might, sometimes he just won't let us comb out all the matts. So, a point comes every couple of years or so where we just take him to the vet, have him sedated and shaved. Which we did a couple of weeks ago. While we had him there at the vet, we also had his teeth cleaned and some basic blood tests run to check his health. All around, other than being a couple pounds overweight, they gave him a very good bill of health, and now with his fur shaved off, we figured he'd just be a really happy kitty.

Not quite. We brought him home, and his third eyelid on his right eye was looking a little weird. It was constantly pulled up covering half to three-fourths of his eye, and it looked horrible. I took some pictures, and for all purposes and intents, he looks like something out of a George A. Romero movie. We figured there was still some residual anesthetic in his system, so we wait a day before calling the vet and asking them if this is "normal."

Yes, they tell us. He probably hasn't quite metabolized all of the anesthetic out yet, so watch him for a couple of days and if there's no improvement, bring him back in.

So we wait a couple of days, and there is no improvement, so we take him back in. They prod his eye, swab his eye, dye his eye, shine a light in his eye, examine the third eyelid, rinse the eye and finally decide it's most likely a bacterial infection. They prescribe an ointment to put on his eyeball three times a day and tell us he should be better in a week. Huzzah.

Except I have to go out of town for the weekend, and I don't consider it fair to give the job of administering eyeball ointment to my friends who usually feed the cat while we're gone. So instead, I have him boarded at the vet. $14 dollars a day, plus $2 per day to give him the medication they sold us. Okay. Fine.

So, I come back from the weekend and pick him up. His eye is no better. They tell me it should be okay by the end of the week, if not call. End of the week rolls around (last Friday) and it's not better. I call. I take him in.

They prod his eye, swab his eye, dye his eye, shine a light in his eye, examine the third eyelid, rinse the eye and finally decide to run another blood test... this time specifically for leukemia and immune-deficiency viruses. The test for kitty HIV comes back positive. Bummer. Our cat has managed to pick up the feline version of AIDS, and this is probably the root cause for the eye problem. So now they prescribe no less than THREE new medications.

One is an oral paste, twice a day. I don't know how many of you have ever tried to get a cat to eat something the cat does NOT want to eat, but the end result is usually more of the substance on yourself than in the cat's mouth and a pissy cat.

The other two are eye drops. Now this cat takes eye drops fairly well... in what turns out to be a moment of enlightened hindsight, we've had some eye problems with him in the past... nothing like this of course, but we have had to put drops in his eye in other days. So the one set of eye-drops is administered three times a day, and it's to help fight the infection. The other stuff is to make his pupil dilate to ease the strain on the muscles of the iris and relieve pain. Which sounds straightforward enough. However, they did warn me at the vet... when you give him the second eye-drop medication, it will make him drool, so just be aware of that and don't freak out.

Drool. Okay... drool I can deal with. A little excessive saliva, no problem. However, drool doesn't quite describe what happens to this cat. About five minutes after giving him the eye drops, he starts FOAMING at the mouth. I mean big, thick, sticky globs of foamy saliva, and a cat that obviously is distressed and upset. AND... this is accompanied by vomiting as well.

I have to do this to him every four hours.

So now my cat hates me. Because of the way these medicines are staggered out, about every two hours I have to grab this cat and do something awful to him. He sees me coming now and hides. Two days ago this cat would refuse to be anywhere but on my lap, and now he runs away when he sees me coming. I can't say I blame him... if somebody did this stuff to me I'd be a little reluctant to hang out with that person myself. The worst part is, watching him go through the whole slobber/vomit process is probably more emotionally wracking to me than it is to the cat. Last night I had to smoke three cigarettes and drink a shot of Captain Morgan before I could bring myself to put the cat through the trauma one last time for the night... and then follow him around for half and hour cleaning up drool and half-digested Science Diet.

I'm not ashamed to admit it... I cried for about twenty minutes with the frustration of this medical torture I have to inflict on our poor cat. And now I plan on going out of town for a week to visit Wifey up in Michigan, and I cant take the cat with me. Again, I can't put the burden of medicating the cat on my friends, so the only option is once again to have the poor guy boarded. He'll be cared for, but the stress levels for that cat have to be almost off the chart... and anyone who owns cats knows that stress is directly linked to health issues. It's almost as if every action I take to get this cat back into decent health is being stale mated by trying to maintain my personal life. And of course, all of these visits to the vet, medications and need for having him boarded have come with a financial wallop as well.

And this is a CAT... it's not a child, not my son. It probably doesn't correlate well, but it gives me a sense of how difficult it must be to care for a chronically sick child, how mentally and emotionally taxing it is to put your loved ones through procedures you know will have nasty side-effects... when the medicine makes you sicker than the disease. I don't know if the fact that you can at least tell your child that you love him and that this terrible process is all to make things better makes it any easier or not... I know that all of my gentle cooing "don't worry kitty... I hate doing this to you but I have to so your eye will get better" doesn't mean squat to the cat. Obviously I can't just ignore the problem, and it's not a serious enough condition to consider euthanasia. (Although I did suggest simply digging the eye out with a spoon and giving the cat a patch... an idea I thought was good for a chuckle. The vet did NOT find it humorous.)

And... this will be an ongoing situation. Maybe the eye will get better in a couple of weeks, but the syndrome will still exist, and it will continue to impact Questor's health for the rest of his life, most likely shortening his time with us. Now I wonder how many future trips to the vet there will be, how many medications will be required just to keep him in fair health, how many traumatic nights will be spent waking up at two and six in the morning just to chase down the kitty and make him sick in the hopes of keeping him healthy. I've heard that Jordan is a hard road to travel... and Lord if it ain't true.

2006-06-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Slogin' Eric, Episode One

Okay, so I'm dipping a big toe in the river of vlogging... except I can't seem to get any video I have to work with the software available to me, so for now instead of Vloging, I'm Sloging... that's "S" for "slideshow." Anyhoo... enjoyeth.

Little Things

2006-06-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

Hello hello... well, the last couple of weeks have been less than exciting. Wifey has headed out to Michigan for her 8 week stint at the Bay View Music Fesitval, and I'm sitting around the house thinking it seems a little empty. So, in order to fill the empty hours, I've taken to playing with electronic devices, hoping to put together some sort of video "slog" (that's a video blog that uses a slideshow instead of actual video) but my hardware is giving me fits. What I need is a faster computer... much much faster with less crap stored on the hard-drive. I put a project together, and now I'm trying to edit sound into the thing... but it's one of those deals where you look at it, think to yourself "people are going to form an opinion of me based on what they see here..." and then going back and re-editing the thing again and again, until my poor CPU is confused and tired and just gives up. So... now I'm in the market for a nice laptop custom built to handle video and audio editing.

Anyway... frustrated by that project, I broke down and bought some "new" video games over the weekend. I think the last game I bought was "Spiderman II" about four or five months ago. There was a time when I bought a new game every other week, but now I tend to sit and play the old ones over and over. Anyway, it was time for something fresh, so I picked up a copy of "Star Wars Battlefront II" and have been playing that for the last three days solid. Fun game... a few glitches and whatnot, but you can easily kill a few hours shooting at Stormtroopers and running around in various cool combat vehicles. Mindless and a little savage, but fun all the same.

Our cat has had some problems lately... nothing major thankfully, but we finally decided that his matted hair was so far beyond our capapbility to comb out that we took him to the vet and had him shaved. Then they decided his teeth needed cleaning. Then his teeth bled durring the cleaning, so we had to shoot gunk in his mouth twice a day... then he got an eye infection and now I'm shooting gunk in his eye three times a day. Between the shaved hair, the constantly half-closed third eyelid that makes him look like something out of a Copella flick, he's not the prettiest thing to look at these days. Poor cat.

I did get a little humor out of the morning tho... I often check the site stats to see where visitors are coming here from... more often than not they're looking for information or other resources on those little moped bikes that are popular in Europe that are called Mopos. But, there are pirate and renaissance folk who drop by as well... which is very cool. Anyway, followed one hit back to it's source, and it was someone who was commenting on the little "music video" I posted a while back. This person mistakenly thought the video was making fun of the Nebraska Renaissance Festival, and was happy his group didn't appear in it because they were "more accurate" than others.

Now, on the off chance that this person drops back by... don't get me wrong. I'm not putting you down. I just thought I'd mention that the song "Where Is The Renaissance (in the festival)" by Allen Huffman has been around for some time, and it happens to be a favorite amongst us "non-accurate" rennies. (At least those of us in the tiny little Iowa/Nebraska tent circuit) The guy who made the video is a friend of mine, and belive me, he wasn't making fun or putting down NRF in particular... he was making fun of ALL festivals, mostly the big corporate ones that resemble a shoping mall more than a faire.

As to "accuracy," well... go to about any faire and you'll see at least five centruies represented... 15th, 16th, 17th, 18th and 21st. Most of them will be represented incorrectly by most people. Now, I have a very healthy respect and admiration for those who strive to be as historicly accurate as possible. It's a difficult thing to do, and takes a LOT of dedication, patience, time and effort. However, I have little time or patience for anyone who thinks that makes them superior to other folk at faire. I often see combat groups whacking away at each other with variations of pvc, foam and duct-tape fabricated weapons, wearing football pads and hiking boots... but hey, we're all just out there to have fun. If you have fun while being perfectly period, that's great... but don't belittle others because they happen to be a little less than "historicly accurate." Just remember... when you work at faire it's not always about period correctness... it's about entertaining those people who spent money at the gate to see you do your thing. Pirates, (as we portray them) were certianly not around in the Renaissance... but people expect to see pirates, and they expect to recognize pirates when they see them. It's a caveat that has to be conceeded sometimes. Don't point out my garb isn't the right color and fabric for my social standing and I won't point out your machine stitches and period-incorrect grommets. We all use the big plastic bathroom from time to time.

Okay... rant over. I sound like I'm defending myself and Allen from attack, which really isn't the case. It just brought up a thought in my head, and I decided to talk about it a little... consider it a pet peeve that popped up and needed to be pushed back down into my psyche. No hard feelings on my side, hopefully none on the other. All love to all people. (cue violins)

That's all for now... till next time...

peace!!

2006-06-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

Wench Press

Right... so here's a video shot from a telephone... someday I hope to get some telephone calls on my television. Anyway... filmed on location at the Renaissance Faire of the Midlands, Council Bluffs IA. Poor resolution and sound, but what the heck... use your imagination to fill in the pixelated blurrs :)

Joining the Revolution

2006-06-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Alright, so even an old dog can learn a few new tricks... as long as they're simple ones that is.

Kathy and I finally got frustrated with our 5 year old cell phones, so we upgraded. I can't even tell you what model we got, but they're fancy enough to take pictures and video, play songs all that sort of thing. No big deal really... they're not top of the line or anything, but every toy needs to be played with.

So the other day I was writing an entry for The MOPO Report, the blog that carries news strictly about our performance troupe, and wanted to add a photo... so I got out the phone, took a pic, emailed it to myself from the phone, uploaded it to the blog, and viola... instant visual aid. Well, almost instant... the process took me ten minutes or so I guess... but fairly quickly anyway. Ah the wonders of modern technology! The big problem is, however, that because our phone numbers are Omaha area, down here in Manhattan we're on the extended network... meaning that no pix can be sent from the phone to anywhere... unless I travel far enough to get back into the full coverage area, which is a bit of a downer.

I also took some video, more for test purposes than any other. I'll be uploading those here in a day or two just to see what they look like on YouTube or some such simular server. From the little tests I've run, it looks like the product will be very small and very pixelated, so it may turn out that the "video" option is a rather extraneous one. But hey... at least now when my wife calls I get to listen to the theme from The Muppet Show!

Oh what fun...

2006-06-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

So, it isn't just me having a spot of trouble with Blogger.com these days, is it?

I attempted to start a new blog for our performance troupe... one that would be specificly about the troupe without all the rambling stories of my personal exisitance... so I created the blog, even wrote the first post... but when I try to view it, blogger.com insists that the url does not exist. The URL that blogger.com GAVE me-- does not exisit.

So I started looking for tech help. Ha. Right. Finally I found the message boards and about 100 posts on that board with a number of problems... photos wont up load, people can't log in, entries dissapearing... etc etc etc. Even though I never found any answer to my own little problem, it was gratifying to know that other folk are just as miserable as I am. Misery loves company.

Anyway... rants aside, things have been moving smoothly for the most part. Summer job is fairly decent... I'm working in the scene shop at KSU doing some odd job type stuff... building a cabinet here, fixing a shelf there, cleaning tools and re-stocking inventory and all that sort of thing. It's mindless work, but I get to set my own hours and I'm more or less my own boss... so that's good. It's indoors, so thats good too, considering the average temperature for the last three weeks has been something like 1500 degrees celcius. I just don't remember it gettting so hot so early in June... that global warming thing is for real I guess. Maybe it's time to look into moving north...

We're in a bit of a lull on the entertainment troupe side of things, but we do have a couple gigs coming up. This weekend MOPO will be strolling at the Renaissance Faire of the Midlands in Council Bluffs IA. This faire has been going on for years... in fact, it's predecessor was one of the very first Ren Faire's I attended by myself. Sheeesh... that must have been the late 80's. Maybe '88 or so. I know I was still driving the white Ford Maverick then... because it conked out on me and left me stranded at the college where the faire used to be held. Transmission blew. (On the car... not the college.) So anyway... suffice to say it's an event I've been attending for some time, and I'm very happy to be a part of it at long last.

On the Pirate side of things, we have a show on the River City Star cruise boat on July 7, and another the next week on July 15. From what I understand, there may be another gig in late June, but the Captain hasn't gotten all the details yet...

So in the meantime, work sleep eat... play a little PS2 football, wait for Spiderman 3 to come out (yah, long wait I know. But have you heard that Topher Grace might be playing Venom? How strange does that sound?) and reminicing on X3. (Which I liked... but what was the deal with the Golden Gate Bridge? I know Magneto is a showboat and everything, but that seemed a little extreeme... even for him.)

Ah well... fingers tired. Catch y'all later!

2006-06-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

Nebraska Renaissance Faire 2006

Allen Huffman of Atthefaire.com shot some footage at NRF and added one of his songs, "Where Is The Renaissance In The Festival?" to create this little music video, "featuring" cameos from a few MOPO members... see if you can spot them!

Hey Hey and Away We Go!

2006-06-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

Just the other day I got ahold of the Entertainment Co-ordinator for the Renaissance Faire of the Midlands in Council Bluffs IA, and I'm happy to report that we've been invited to attend on a "volunteer" basis for this year... a gig that I understand will serve as our audition for next year as well. I'm really excited about the opportunity... I've been wanting to become involved in RFotM for a long time now, and I finally managed to wedge a toe in the door. Now we've just got to get over there and do our utmost to show them we have a valuable product to offer.

We won't be doing stage shows, and we won't be setting up our pillory... we'll be strictly strolling characters... which is cool as it's how I originally envisioned the group operating. I do believe I'm going to haul the shrew's fiddle along, probably more as a prop than anything else. This faire has a very strict "hands off" policy, meaning you never touch a customer or patron unless they invite the touch or touch you first. It reminds me of working at the childrens theater, which had the same policy. It's understandable of course... but the funny thing is that this is a rule I have ALWAYS abided by at faire. I certainly don't want strangers in funny clothing to start accosting my physically without permission. At least buy me dinner first!

We're also looking at an opportunity coming up in mid August at a new event in Charles City Iowa. I like first year events... they sometimes don't get the attendance of other faires, and start-up events cant pay like established events, but I really enjoy helping people get their event up an running, and the more faires that exist out there, the more opportunities become available... not just for us, but for other troupes, merchants, artisans and such.

I've also been made aware that the Great Plains Renaissance Festival in Witchita KS may be looking for entertainment in the fall. Not exactly sure what their dates are yet, as their web site hasn't been updated after their spring event. You may recall that I wrote an event summary for this event that I had hoped would be published in the Regional Renaissance Reporter, but never did because I missed the submission deadline. I know they already have at least one pirate group there, and sometimes with a small faire one is enough... but it's still worth the attempt. I've been wanting to get our group wider exposure outside of Nebraska and Iowa, and Witchita is only a two hour drive from my front door, as opposed to the 6 and 7 hour drives for some of those Iowa events.

I got a chance to talk to the performer who quit our group after NRF, and he says he just isn't having fun anymore. I can understand reasoning like that... I have always said that if it isn't fun, you should stop doing it. (Unless it's something like taking insulin shots, of course) He told me the stress levels were too high... not sure what was causing him stress, but heck... we all burn out or get tired of things. It was just his time. I'm trying to decide if I will continue in my participation in his entertainment group... he's the one who runs the pirate themed karaoke nights. It's not a tit-for-tat situation... revenge is NOT part of my thinking pattern. I'm just not sure if I can remain unemotional enough to keep our relationship on an even keel. It may be better if I simply bow out and concentrate on my company instead.

Anyway... that's the new stuff from around here for now. I have a feeling it could be an interesting summer after all!

PEACE!

Faire Report!

2006-05-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Howdy campers!

Well, finally found a little time to sit and report on recent events and such.

First gig of the season went pretty well for us... in fact, it was our second highest paying faire to date, and considering the dreadful heat and smallish attendance, that's saying something indeed. We broke our single show hat-pass record twice over the weekend, and that's pretty cool too.

We did premiere our two new shows, and although they weren't as solid as I might have hoped, they actually went over really well. We held our audiences, and that was important. We added a fifth performer to the line up, and she really came through with flying colors. I was a little worried about her when we started rehearsals... she seemed quiet and a little intimidated perhaps... but once she got on stage she turned into a real tigress... big voice, great physicality... just really put her all into it. I think she may have more to do with our success this weekend than I'd care to admit. :P

So, overall I'd call it a qualified victory. This being only the third year we've been running around and only our second year doing stage shows, I'd say we're definately headed in the right direction. Looks like we might go through another round of personell changes in the near future tho... one of the performers decided this was his last show with us... but didn't bother to tell me why. In fact, he didn't bother to even explain to me in person. I don't know about you, but when somebody decides to give you bad news via email, I consider it a little on the immature side of things. But... oh well. It's not like we're going to give up because he's not with us anymore. We'll replace him and move on... bigger and better things are definately on the horizon.

Hope everyone had a happy and safe Memorial Day weekend!

Peace!

Faire Season is Upon Us!

2006-05-09T06:13:00.001-07:00

Well, it's that time of year.... finally!!

I've been off on other topics for so long, I almost forgot why I started this blog in the first place!

Just as soon as the last dying note of college schoolwork fades into obscurity and it's mental prison of instant forgetfullness, it's time for a whole new round of responsibility... but this time it's a little more fun!

We had our first pirate raid of 2006 Saturday night in Omaha NE. at Grandmother's Lounge. This is the (I think) 4th show we've done for them, and it's a great place to hang out for a few hours, drink some rum, get hit with a bottle and dance the night away. The event was hosted by the Royale Pirates of Tortuga (www.spotlightentertainmentomaha.com) which is the second of two performance groups that I'm involved with. The Pirates have shows coming up all month long (or so it seems) with another show on May 19th in Omaha on the River City Star, a river boat that does a little three-hour tour (cue lightning and thunder) and we'll be on board to make sure everyone is having a swell time. These boat cruises get wild folks... it's strictly a 21 and over crowd, and last time we were there there was indeed partial nudity... and not on our part. All I can say is it's amazing what some girls will do for a cheap string of plastic dollar store beads. God bless them!

On the Renaissance front, we've started up rehearsals for the MOPO season. As I've mentioned, we've got two new scripts for this year, meaning that we can do a full day of shows and not repeat ourselves within the day... and that will be very nice. Should up attendance at our shows (with a little luck) and maybe even bring us closer to being a legitamate troupe. Although we only have less than half the number of events booked this year that we had last year, I see it as a blessing in disguise... it will give us more opportunity to get things hashed out and ready to roll for 2007. By then, we should have at least 5 shows and enough troupe members to spice things up considerably.

Our first Ren show hits at the end of this month... May 27 to be exact. We've got plenty to do between now and then, what with the new show requiring props and stuff that we don't have quite yet... some we can buy and some we need to build. Fortunately, I have help in that area... so if you're in the Omaha area May 27 - 29, check out

http://www.festint.com/nebfaire/index.shtml

for all kinds of info regarding the faire. It's a small tent event, so it's not nearly as expensive to visit as the larger, permanant faires like KC, Minnesota, Scarborough etc, however, there will be good entertainment, good food, some really great merchants and of course, The Ministry Of Petty Offenses with three shows daily and mayhem all day at the stocks. (err... PILLORY!)

We had been approached by one of the promoters for the new permanant event in Des Moines IA, but I'm not sure if we can do the gig. At first they said they only wanted us for the first weekend, but we had already been booked. Then they said they wanted us for the first and second weekends, but as I mentioned, we had already been booked for the first weekend. Then they said they could use us all three weekends, but I reminded them we were booked the first and third weekends of September. Then they said they'd see if they had room for us the second weekend only. That was a month ago and I haven't heard from them since. Ah well.

There is a little faire here in Manhattan KS this weekend, but since we have to travel to Omaha to rehearse, looks like we'll miss it. I wish I had discovered the silly thing earlier... it would have been a perfect opportunity to get a little tune up in. Next year, eh?

So, things are about to get really fun in that regard. I'm looking forward to the freedom of improvisational street theater (as I always do) and the chaos that is the four (or five) of us on stage. Huzzah!

Faire Season is Upon Us!

2006-05-09T06:13:00.000-07:00

Home Stretch

2006-05-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

Well, the semester is coming to an end, and at long last I can find time to take fully developed breaths between projects... which is nice.

We closed Metamorphoses last week, and it was a fantastic experience. I know not many people are familiar with the show, but it was completely a-typical of my previous theatrical experiences, and highly rewarding. All the same, I'm glad it's over. That ends all of my performance responsibilities for the semester.

One lighting design left to finish... we have a program called "Lunchbag Theater" where students direct and perform one act plays (for credit) in our black box space. This show is "Zoo Story" by Albee, which is actually quite well known. The basic design is hung, gelled, focused and mostly cued... I have a few notes to add. It performs Thursday of this week, (one show only) and then all is done. All that will remain is finishing the paperwork, finishing the 10 page research paper and handing it all in... then that class is complete.

Other academic requirements include two finals (History of American Music and Philosophy of Art) which don't worry me too much... Music I'll ace and Philo will be just good enough to manage a passing grade for the semester. Tough class, but well worth the dip in GPA it will produce.

Then school is over for the spring, and it's time to head back to the Renaissance faires... two new scripts have been developed, we're in the process of rehearsing them with some new faces in the group, and I think the act will be much improved over last year. Huzzah!

On other fronts, Wifey has taken a job up in Michagan as a scenic artist for the Bay View Musical Theater (I think that's the official title) where she will spend about 6 weeks of the summer. I'll go visit her sometime around July 4, since that's when we'll celebrate our 12th anniversary.

Well, not a lot to report other than that. Not exciting, I know, but something at least to keep y'all up to date. I'll try to think of more interesting things to discuss in the next week or so. Until then, enjoy this lovely production photo from Metamorphoses."

Peace!

Alive And Kickin'

2006-04-28T05:49:00.000-07:00

And for those who can guess the name of the 1980's pop group that inspired the title of this entry, a big huzzah and lunch on me. (That is I'll pay for it... I'm not getting wrangled into one of those naked sushi deals.)

Long time no write. Well, I've been doing a lot of writing, but it's all been school work. It's as predictable as the rainstorms of April (like the one outside today) that sweep across the plains... the end of the semester brings with it a furrious swelling of keyboard action as the 20,000 plus students at K-State race to get all their final essays and research papers complete.

Me, I've got 3 more to write in the next few days. Two by Monday, the third by... well... proffessors kinda lax, but I should have it by Thursday. That's the big honkin' ten-pager which I desperately need to find a topic for.

So anyway, I've been swamped. I'll have more time to chat in a few days. Until then, be safe everyone!

PEACE!

The Blue Dot of Agony

2006-04-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

Moguls. Moguls and cliffs. Me on my butt, on my back, on my head, on my shoulder and back on my butt in a furious, frantic whirling of arms, legs and curses. Bad idea and worse execution. Shoulda stayed on that green dot course. Ah well, too late now. Back to the intermittent moments of success spaced frequently by my own painful version of the Nestea Plunge minus the pool. Even so, I’m still able to make that last slide down to the resort without making a fool of myself… upright and in control… and minus the spill when I un-strap the board from my feet.

Run number two was by far the best of the day. Two under the belt, and time for one more run. I will go from top to bottom on my feet… all the way this time. I have the skill, I have the knowledge, I have the delusions.

At the bottom of the hill I meet back up with my wife. I’m in a much better mood… I’ve convinced myself I’m improving. I’m ready to actually accompany her down the mountain. I can steer, I can stop, I can maintain my balance for at least five minutes at a time. I’m ready to try this sport WITH my wife. Up we go on the lift, laughing and smiling and enjoying the moment.

Top of the hill, run number three, with the wife by my side. What could be better than standing at the top of a mountain with your loved one, sticks strapped to your feet and about to swoosh like the wind, together. Having fun together.

And for the first seven, eight minutes it worked just like I had envisioned. Wifey took the lead and I followed… seriously… followed her as if I knew exactly what I was doing. Then the ache in the legs became too much and I had to sit down for a few minutes. I found a spot to ditch where it would be easy to stand back up. Wifey skied over to me, we took a couple of candid photos, and off we went again, this time with me in the lead. Another fairly long successful run, and now I was feeling like a champ. When the burning in my legs got too intense, I again guided myself into a nice little pile of snow to sit for a bit of a rest. This was going very, very well.

I should have known that was the beginning of the end. This time when I went to stand up I could feel that my body was almost out of gas. The effort of keeping my knees bent and of sitting up all day long had absolutely worn my legs and stomach out, and the slight fatigue I had earlier in the day was now more along the lines of complete failure. The result of which became apparent when I managed to steer myself into a small bank of evergreen trees.

I didn’t hit any trees, I just kinda got lost in them, and not knowing when the terrain would turn suddenly deadly, I decided to ditch, re-orient myself and board back onto the maintained slope. The problem I discovered with this plan was that the snow over here was easily three times as deep as the snow on the maintained slope. When I put my hand down to push myself upright, my entire arm plunged into the seemingly bottomless snow bank. I could find no leverage to push myself upright. After a number of grunting, futile attempts, I finally admitted defeat and un-strapped the board, carrying it along as I fought through the hip-deep snow back to the groomed slope.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the effort that it took to get myself out of the trees was the last straw for my poor overworked body. From that point on my legs were little better than noodles, and the ratio of intentional ditch to unintentional splat and skid became frustratingly lopsided. As my wife patiently waited after each of my falls for me to re-gather my strength and constitution, the day wore on. This third run was taking forever, as my ability to stay on my feet seemed to disappear along with my determination and will. Finally, a little embarrassed, she asked if she could go on ahead and get in one more run before vacation came to an end. I waved her on, disappointed that I couldn’t make it to the bottom with her just one time, but not wanting to make her stand around when she could be having a good time.

Right then… once again all alone on the hill, with about a third of the mountain left, and this time in serious doubt as to which of those three methods I’ll finally employ to get to the bottom this time around. I know one thing… it’s either going to be on my feet or on a stretcher.

Back up I get… frequently stopping to rest but not falling all too much… once in a great while navigating around a bend here or tackling a switchback there with relative ease, but never able to go more than 500 feet before my protesting legs would have their way. At long last I’m on the second to last slope, and the resort is almost in sight. It’s an easy little run that I’ve done twice before, and I know exactly how to tackle it. Down I go, knowing that the only thing I have to be concerned with is the amount of time my legs can hold out.

Not knowing that this last time, I would have company. Two college girls on skis just ahead of me. I’m going a little faster than they are. I maneuver around the first one without much trouble. The second one is on the line I need to take to make it to the end of this second to last run… she’s smack dab in my way. I try to steer around her, but my legs don’t seem to have the strength anymore to do what my mind is telling them. I’m not turning like I need to in order to avoid the girl ahead of me. If I don’t do something quick, I’m going to run her over from behind. I weigh the options… try to steer around her and fall in front of the other girl I just passed, try to steer around her and knock us both to the ground and potentially injure one or both of us, or try to ditch in the only spot I can see that looks like it would be a fairly soft landing. I go for the ditch.

But, my legs are taxed out. I can’t control the ditching. I can’t get the edge of the board to bite. I can’t keep my balance, and suddenly I am 100% out of control and headed again for the trees.

Tree, meet shoulder. Shoulder, meet intense pain. Ow, ow, ow.

For a moment I thought maybe I had a concussion. The world went out of focus briefly and I knew that I was definitely hurt. My head cleared and I felt my collarbone and upper left arm to see if I could determine how badly I had hurt myself. I was pretty sure nothing was broken in there, (I used to be a combat medic and an EMT, so I do know how to determine if a bone is broken) but I had a feeling that there was some serious bruising to be revealed later on that night. I laid there in the snow for a good fifteen minutes, waiting for the pain to subside, assuring passer-by after passer-by that I was fine and in no need of help. I waited until the pack of 10 year old girls went gliding past yet one more time to attack the final descent.

Somehow I managed to make it back to the resort with only two falls, one that was caused by somebody laying on the ground in front of me, and the very last when I couldn’t manage to steer around another boarder. The last fall was on the flat in front of the resort, and all I had to do was un-strap the board, get on my wobbly legs and head for the coffee bar, where my chipper mother-in-law sat smiling, enjoying the sun. “Well, how’d it go this time?” she asked cheerfully.

“It’s death on a stick out there mate.” I replied.

She gave me a funny look. I don’t think she’s ever seen Point Break.

Falling In Snow Is Hard On The Knees

2006-04-04T06:06:00.000-07:00

(Um... Aerosmith anyone?)

Now I was actually starting to get the hang of things, and I thought maybe I could pick up the speed a little… but what I quickly learned is that there is no “pick up the speed a little” in snowboarding. What you get when you don’t check your speed is a LOT of speed, accumulating at an ALARMING rate. Within moments I found myself thinking “I don’t drive this fast.” Time for a well-placed intentional ditch… I look for a spot I can maneuver to, turn into my heel side, pull my toes up, sit slightly into the curve, bring my back foot forwa…

…and now I’m literally somersaulting down the hill. This is my worst wipe-out yet, because this is the fastest I’ve been going and the steepest grade I’ve been on, and this is also the moment when I realize that beneath the four inches of fluffy powder, this mountain is made of solid ICE. Hard, unforgiving, body slamming ICE. Four inches of fluffy snow provides only the most minimal of cushion as I bounce and tumble along as graceful as a tree swept down a mudslide.

At this point I’m wondering what I’ve gotten myself into. After coming to a somewhat more painful halt than before, I glance back up the hill… and watch as some 10 year old girl comes gracefully swishing down the hill on a snowboard, followed by more 10 year old girls. I watch as they sweep past me, laughing and shouting to each other as they disappear over a nearby swell. Well dammit… if a 10 year old girl can do this… so, by Jove, can I!

Except my ribcage is resisting the command to bend, and my knees feel like they’ve seen the business end of a baseball bat. I’m starting to have real problems getting back on my feet as my body is now in full rebellion. I’m not injured… yet… but I can tell that I’m not in the kind of shape I used to be. Maybe I should have done some stretches before attempting this.

No matter. I’m determined. There are two ways off this hill… make that three… on my feet in the proper snowboarding fashion, on a stretcher guided by a ski medic, or scotching along inch by inch on my butt. Two of them are simply not acceptable.

I get back up somehow. I stand upright, letting the burn in my aching muscles and tendons to subside, and away I go again.

I’m really getting into it now. I find a nice gentile run and navigate it successfully, in fact enjoying the experience, the feel of the cold air snapping past my ears, the slicing drone of the board beneath my feet as I cut back and forth, the exhilaration of passing a 10 year old girl who has just fallen down…

And then the gentle run suddenly turns into a terrifying vertical plunge. I’m about to make like another “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

Lather, rinse, repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

(At this point I’d like to insert a quick comment… life takes on a whole new meaning when the upper half of your torso is twisting in a different direction and at a different rate than the lower half.)

At long last, I make it to the final run down to the resort. This is the key moment in my short snowboarding career. From where I now sit, (having just ditched yet again) I can see the resort and the decked patios… with hundreds of patrons sitting idly, sipping on mocha chino and hot chocolate as they watch the skiers and boarders make the final approach. I myself had been sitting down there not ninety minutes earlier, chuckling as I watched the less skillful skiers take a spill here and there on this last little run to the bottom of the mountain. Now the aching muscles and tender pride must be put to one side… I absolutely, without qualification, MUST remain upright while under public scrutiny.

Amazingly I manage to pull it off. I come into the view of the people below, carve my way to the bottom of the hill and stand triumphant on the flat next to the racks of unoccupied skis, striking a mildly casual pose as if this were nothing new to me at all. I lean down to un-strap my foot…

…and promptly fall on my head.

I remove the board from my feet, put it in the rack and clump gloomily towards the bar. I need coffee and rest. On the way I meet my in-laws, who are, of course, cheerful and in a bright mood, enjoying the sun out on the patio. Mom-in-law shoots me a big grin and asks “how’d you do?”

Part of me wants to be pleasant, polite, upbeat and optimistic. The other part of me wants to be blatantly honest and emotionally forthcoming… but something tells me that growling “I feel like a total prat and I want to go home” is going to put a damper on everyone’s day. “Not bad,” I say instead. “My technique could use some refinement.”

Down but not defeated. After an hour of rest I’m back on the lift, certain that my first trip down the hill has taught me valuable lessons, and that I’m certain to do better… and not without reason it seemed. By the time I fell over on my second run, I was in about the same place as my fifth fall on the first run. By the time I fell over again, I was right about where my eighth fall had occurred on that first run… and both of these falls were totally intentional and fairly well executed. I was indeed getting better.

And then came “the run.” I found myself on a long straight slope, slightly tailing off on my heel-side. It was a broad alley, and it really didn’t require much in the way of turning… just a careful application of braking to keep the descent from turning into a disaster. I found a good spot between better skiers and boarders to make an entry onto the slope, bent my knees, pulled my heels up, pushed my toes into the snow, extended my arms for a little balance and off I went. By far the most thrilling moment of the day this was, as I zipped right down the slope, casually kicking my back foot around to slow myself down, and managing to feel comfortable at a speed I had not experienced yet that day.

Of course, I fell down at the end of the run, but I was actually happy, I mean really happy, for the first time that day. I felt like I had accomplished something… I had snowboarded with some amount of style for what MUST have been better than a half mile or so. Yea me! Show me the half-pipe!

Now that I think I know what I’m doing, I try a slightly different path down the mountain that before. Enough of this green dot armature stuff… I’m going after that confident amateur blue dot over there…

Next time: The Blue Dot of Agony

..or read the whole thing now at: http://freewriteunited.proboards54.com/index.cgi?board=nakedtruth&action=display&thread=1143565225

The First Run

2006-03-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

The saga continues...

With minimal effort I budged myself along until gravity started taking me down the hill. Almost immediately I cut off my mother-in-law, riding right over the front of her ski-tips. As I turned back to shout “sorry!” I felt my legs go out from under me, and I landed right on my keester.

Not to worry. I was simply distracted by almost killing my wife’s mother. Just gotta keep my focus on the hill.

But there was a problem I hadn’t counted on… how to get back up on my feet when sitting on a slope. My feet are strapped to a board, and the board is wider than my feet, and I can’t figure out how to get my rear-end up over my knees without the board trying to zip on down the hill. After a few struggling attempts, my training kicks in and I remember what I need to do to dig the board in and I manage to stand upright.

For about three seconds.

Now I’m on my face, and I’m exactly five feet ten inches further down the hill, but only because I’ve fallen forward. My feet are still in the exact same spot they occupied after my first fall. This is a whole new obstacle… now somehow I’ve got to get myself turned over onto my tush, but my feet are strapped to a board that’s 40” long. Fortunately I played a LOT of twister when I was a freshman in college, and again I manage to twist myself around onto my back and eventually regain my feet… ready for the charmed third attempt.

I give a little hop and twist the board in the air, pointing the nose downhill, and away I go at a conservative speed. I glide a little to the left and correct, cutting back across the slope. There’s a skier in my path, so I turn back, and all is good. I spot my family waiting for me about 40 feet to the right, and I lean into my toe-side to re-join them. Suddenly I remember why it’s so important to keep your heels up when you go toe-side.

Because I didn’t. The back edge of the board, which happens to be the down-hill side of the board, bites into the snow and I flip awkwardly backwards, landing on my shoulder blades as my feet literally point straight up in the air.

But hey… if you count the 80 feet I boarded and the 20 feet I slid, I’m 100 feet further down the hill than the last time I hit the ground. It’s just that I’m in a slight bit of pain now, and feeling a little embarrassed as well.

No problem… still a learning curve to be considered here. I figure by my third or fourth run I’ll be stylin’. I fight my way back onto my feet and… start… sliding… uncontrollably… the opposite… direction from where I want to go. I shift my weight to correct and…

…fall down. I get back up.

And fall down.

And up

And down

And on it went for quite some time… until finally my wife skied over to me with a mild look of concern. The last time I fell I just kinda laid there for a while… not more than five minutes I’m sure… panting to get my breath back. All of the falling and getting up was having an unexpected toll on my belly… my stomach muscles were feeling like I’d just done a few dozen sit-ups with a log on my chest. My knees were starting to feel the strain of being constantly bent. My calves were resisting the idea of either standing tippy-toe on the board or conversely trying to balance on my heels. I looked back up the hill and realized with some horror that I could still see the starting point, not more than a quarter of a mile away. In twenty minutes I had managed about 400 yards and fallen six times. Now I was starting to become a little fatigued.

With some mild frustration I told my wife to go ahead down the hill. She wasn’t going to have any fun at all if she had to wait every fifty feet for me to get back up from a fall, and I thought maybe I could do a little better if I wasn’t trying to keep up or stay with the group… take things at my own pace, choose my own path down the hill. After convincing her to go ahead, I gathered myself and made a renewed attempt.

And, things did go a little better. Of course, I was on a somewhat flat part of the mountain by this point, so I made a “good” two minute run before my thighs and calves were burning with the effort of holding the proper posture and I ditched on purpose. Ditching on purpose would become a key strategy throughout the rest of the day, one that was only inconsistently rewarding. This time it worked, and I rested my legs for a bit, took in some fresh mountain air, and continued my descent.

Next time: Falling In Snow Is Hard On The Knees

...or read the whole thing now at: http://freewriteunited.proboards54.com/index.cgi?board=nakedtruth&action=display&thread=1143565225

I Am Death... On A Stick

2006-03-28T09:03:00.000-08:00

“Its death on a stick out there mate.”

I don’t know how many of you might have seen the movie “Point Break” with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze, but the quote above comes from that flick, and it took on a whole new meaning for me in the last week or so.

In the movie, Keanu is an FBI agent (Johnny Utah) chasing after a gang of bank robbers. Through various clever plot devices, Keanu and his partner (maybe the last ever sane performance by famously demented Gary Bussy) discover the Californian outlaws they are seeking happen to be a bunch of pseudo new-age surfing hippies. (Not true hippies of course… true hippies would be too stoned to actually rob a bank, but damn if they couldn’t dream up the perfect plan if they wanted to.)

At any rate, as Keanu infiltrates the gang of not-quite-hippies-but-most-definitely-bank-robbers, he discovers that Patrick Swayze’s character (Bode Miller) has one great goal in life… to surf the waves of the 50 year storm that hits the coast of Australia twice a century. Nothing in this world could possibly prevent him from the ultimate surfing thrill.

So, naturally, towards the end of the movie, there’s Keanu walking towards the beach in Australia in a driving rain, still chasing his friend-come-nemesis. The storm has hit Down Under, and Keanu knows that Pat ole’ boy is going to be out in that huge water. As he walks down the boardwalk towards the shore, he passes some Aussie surfers running like hell to get out of the rain. He calls out to one of them:

“Anyone out there?”

The Aussie shakes his head. “Nah… its death on a stick out there mate!”

A prophetic foreshadowing, as Patrick Swayze surfs to his death, a tragic if not fitting end for the least known anti-hero of the early 90’s. A moment of silence, please, for Bode Miller.

So why has that quote taken on any kind of precedence in my life? Because about 10 days ago, I was standing at the top (well, close to the top) of Copper Mountain in Colorado with a board strapped to my feet, entertaining the hallucination that somehow I was about to successfully slide, upright and unharmed, all the way to the bottom of the mountain.

Never mind that I had only snowboarded once before in my life, and that was one day previous at the Snowboard School, which was something of a middling success. I had indeed managed to stay on my feet, turn to the left, turn to the right and even learned to stop entirely… and not always by falling down. Never mind that the learning experience was on a slope only slightly steeper than the average American’s driveway. I was flush with confidence that my three-hour snowboarding lesson had taught me all of the skills I needed to slalom and carve my way down this “little” hill.

Standing at the top of the hill, however, brought a few doubts to mind. The long lift ride up the hill had shown a few portents… I had seen other snowboarders coming down as I went up, and it seemed a disproportionate number of them were on their butts as opposed to on their feet. The ones on their feet, however, looked like they were having all kinds of fun, effortlessly zooming down the hill, cutting back and forth in easy sweeping movements, jumping over the little fluffy lumps of soft, powdery snow and landing in sprays of crystal mist as they disappeared down the hill behind me.

After all, the cards are on my side here… first, I’m fairly athletic despite my 37 years and lack of exercise for the last 17 of those years, my pack-a-day smoking habit and my general love for double whoppers. I’m still in good shape. I have good balance, I’m not about to take any risks I don’t think I can handle, and I usually perform best under pressure… so this think is a cake-walk right? I mean, all I have to do is keep my shoulders above my knees and keep my heels up when I go toe-side. Easy stuff. Let’s show this mountain who’s boss!

Next time: "The First Run"

or...

Read the rest of the account now at: http://freewriteunited.proboards54.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=nakedtruth&thread=1143565225

TAGGED... I'M IT

2006-03-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

Apparently there’s this little game that is played across the blogging universe where you are given a few “get to know you” questions to be answered. My old buddy Will tagged your’s truly, and now I have no recourse but to respond or kill him. Since killing him will completely wreck my karma, I’ve decided to respond.

Four jobs I’ve had
Clerk at a pet store
Theatrical Scenic Designer
Canoe outfitting company River Guide
Production Manager for a children’s theater.

Four movies I can watch over and over
Spiderman
Fight Club
Ocean’s 11
The Blood of Heroes

Four places I’ve lived
Omaha Nebraska
Wilmington Delaware
Richmond Virginia
Wayne Nebraska

Four TV shows I love(d)
Mythbusters
Above and Beyond
Farscape
Battlestar Galactica (the current version)

Four places I’ve vacationed
New York City
Los Angeles
Galeana Mexico
Colorado

Four of my favorite dishes
Catherine Zeta Jones
Monica Bellucci
Jennifer Aniston
Daisy Fuentes

Okay okay… those aren’t the kind of dishes that were intended.

A big burrito smothered in cheese.
Chili
Spaghetti in meat sauce
A handful of Fruit Loops with two scoops of French vanilla ice-cream that’s been in the microwave for about 30 seconds. (Heaven… absolute heaven!!)

Four sites I visit daily
Facebook.com
Pyracy.com
At The Faire
Free Write United (A recent project... feel free to join!!)

Four places I ‘d rather be right now
Ireland
Berkely CA
Risa (Jah-hamong anyone?)
At faire.

Um.. TWO bloggers I’m tagging (cause I don’t actually read that many…)
Kria
Jauncy

Now, apparently the idea is for the bloggers I've listed to repeat this process, and respond in the comments when you've done so. No obligation implied or threatened, of course. Right then... I'm off to Colorado tonight to watch the rest of the family go sking. I don't ski myself... I just sorta tumble head over heels. Have a safe spring break for those of you who get one... the rest of you can just be envious! (hee hee!)

Whacking Goats

2006-03-15T07:44:00.000-08:00

"Provide the missing premise that makes the following conclusion a valid example of hypothetical syllogism."

I'm looking at the last question on todays philosophy of art quiz, and thinking that this is a bitch of a way to kick of wednesday morning.

Hypothetical what?

I'm not the only one. Typical of quiz day, the only sound in the room is the light scratching of 20 or so pencils on the xerox quiz papers... up to now almost every quiz has been based on the simple "true - false" format. Such and such a philosipher states this -- true or false? Admittedly, it's more like reading comprehension than philosophy, but hey... the quiz is what the quiz is. If you read the essay carefully, you can usually do well on a true - false quiz.

Only today the fairly confident scribbling sounds of "true - false" was uniformly interrupted, almost as if somebody had just thrown a head through the door.

"Provide the missing premise that makes the following conclusion a valid example of hypothetical syllogism."

Crap. That's all I'm thinking. Crap crap crap crap crap.

Yeah, sure. Hypothetical syllogism is a term we're supposed to be intimately familiar with by now. It's a simple little argument structure that goes something like this:

If A then B
If B then C
Therefore, if A, then C.

Example: If I stand in the rain (A) then I get wet. (B) If I get wet (B) then I catch a cold. (C) Therefore, if I stand in the rain (A) then I catch a cold. (C)

But wait... does that mean that EVERY time I stand in the rain I catch a cold? Are there no exceptions? Of course there are... but the argument, as stated, is valid even if it's not neccisarily true.

And this has WHAT to do with whacking goats?

Whacking goats... no, it's not a underground goth band, nor is it a vocational hobby. It's a reference to playing the bodhran. a bodhran is a traditional irish frame drum... envision a loop of wood with a goat skin streched over it. Hit it with a stick, and it makes a sound. The "stick" is traditionally called a cippin, or more commonly refered to as a tipper. Most often, the tipper has a rounded head at either end. There are a variety of ways to hold the tipper, and the style I follow is to hold it as if it were a pencil. Then by flicking your wrist back and forth, you strike the drum in alternating up-down strokes. Imagine holding a pencil upside down, and slapping the eraser against a book in a sweeping motion... then reverse the sweeping motion and slap the book again. With a LOT of practice, you can eventually learn to keep basic tempos... in Irish music it's usually either a 4/4, a 6/8 or on rare occasions, 3/4. Once that's accomplished, you start using the opposite hand to either muffle the drum head from the back or to put pressure on the skin to change the tonality of the drum. If you get really good at that, you can actually play along with the melody of a tune.

(If I hit the bodhran with a stick then it makes a sound)
(If the bodhran makes a sound then it can follow the melody of a tune.)
(Therefore, if I hit the bodhran with a stick then I can follow the melody of a tune)

Goat skin reacts to humidity in a surprisingly emphatic manner. When the surrounding air gets moist, the drum head expands, sometimes to outright "floppyness." The result of all of this is... if the humidity changes while you are playing, it becomes quite difficult to produce any kind of recognizable melody.

(If the humidity changes then the bodhran will go out of tune.)
(If the bodhran goes out of tune then it is not the case I will be able to follow the melody of a tune)
(Therefore, if the humidity changes then it is not the case I will be able to follow the melody of a tune.)

Ah, but my bodhran is tuneable! It has a tuning ring that I can adjust to relax or create tension in the skin...

(If the humidity changes then I can tighten the tuning ring.)
(If I tighten the tuning ring then I can follow the melody of a tune.)
(Therefore, if the humidity changes then I can follow the melody of a tune.)

Hrm... the argument is still valid, but it just became unsound.

So, provide the missing premise that makes the following conclusion a valid example of hypothetical syllogism:

If I hit the bodhran with a stick then it will make a sound
---???---
If I hit the bodrhan with a stick then the whole process is futile.

I'll have your grades back to you next week. In the meanwhile, happy goat whacking.

Worth The Click!

2006-03-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

Speaking of old friends... how many of you are old enough to remember forking quarter after quarter after quarter into a stand-up Mario Brother's video game? Ahhh... nostalgia. For a cute little re-visit of the innocent days before Grand Theft Auto and "kill everything that moves" take a gander at this gem.

http://gprime.net/video.php/nintendothemesacappella

No Bigger Than A Pebble

2006-03-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

I’ve kinda noticed that this blog has sorta turned into a bit of a “poor me, pity me” string of complaints and miserations. Sorry about that. Usually I don’t tend to bitch too much. I like to think of myself as a well adjusted and fairly happy person, with a bright outlook on life and its trials. Believe it or not I do tend to keep an upbeat and fairly optimistic outlook on things, and I always like to think there’s no hurdle that can’t be cleared with the right amount of confidence and fortitude.

Of course, you can’t step off the ledge and not expect to fall. There is this nagging concept of reality that has to be factored into even the most blissful of prognostications. (Yah yah, it’s my two-dollar word day.)

Anyway, I thought that for a change, I’d spend a little time on things in life that I’m either happy about or at least satisfied with. These are in no particular order of importance.

BEING BACK IN SCHOOL…
…has been a thrill. Sure, I’m paying a lot of money to do basically the same things I used to be paid to do, but there now exists a purpose and reason to do these things other than paying the bills. I never thought of my career in theatre as a drag of any sort… I’ve always loved it and never see myself doing anything outside of the theatrical parameters, even if the precise discipline might change from time to time. All and still, being back in an academic setting has rejuvenated my love for the art, and being surrounded by youthful idealism has definitely given my ardor a shot in the arm. It’s great to be surrounded by passion, even if in some instances it’s a little naive or misguided. These kids want to change the world, and they are perfectly positive they can do it. I’d forgotten what it was like to feel that way. It gives me hope. And what’s better is that they seem to accept this slightly balding, weird old hippy wannabe as one of their own, even if most of them are young enough to be my own children. I do wonder sometimes if it’s a sad thing that I almost seem to be trying to re-capture a lost sense of youth, but I remind myself that I’m only doing what I want to be doing out of my own expectations for myself and not to please or impress anyone else… I know I’ll never be 20 or 22 or even 32 again… but hey, I’m not exactly over the hill quite yet.

RE-DISCOVERING THE WRITING BUG
…has come on as of late. Now this may not exactly sound like an accomplishment that most would be proud of, but I did manage to put together a new script for the MOPO show in about four days, and for a rough draft, it’s not too bad. Now don’t get me wrong, this thing didn’t go from kernel of inspiration to script in that short amount of time… it had been bouncing around in my head for the better part of five months and at last found its way onto something a little more substantial than the inner folds of my grey matter. Bottom line… it felt VERY good to be writing again, and this time not for a grade or a paycheck, but just for the fun of it. I’ve still got one more piece to produce, and then of course there’s the whole “rehearsing” it that need to be accomplished, but hey… you gotta pour the foundation before ya build the walls.

OLD FRIENDS
…are more precious than a person can imagine. I’m at that age where I can actually remember life before the internet… when if you wanted to catch up with an old buddy you had to write a letter or make a phone call. Of course, I still think that those forms of communication hold some superiority over the syntax of pixilated light, but I will admit that things like web pages, blogs and instant messengers have made it possible to “stay in touch” without really touching at all. I know some people lament this, saying that all we’re doing is making it ever more possible to live without human contact, but at the same time, being the lazy communicator I am, without such devices I might never actually know what’s going on with some of my oldest, most cherished friends. It’s a little vicarious, perhaps, but reading about the challenges of parent-hood, the trials of job-hunting, the excitement of new adventures expressed by those I’ve known for most of my life is not only entertaining, but thought-provoking and in a subtle way quite therapeutic.

NEW FRIENDS
…that you’ve never really met, but you know them all the same. Alright, so it’s a bit of a continuation of what I was saying a moment ago, but a little different. I’m sure we all have buddies, pals or friends who we know only by their login name. In different corners of the world I’m known as “ateed,” “pirateguy” “Sir Eric” “Greensword” “ESV” or “i__wright,” and it’s surprising sometimes how many people I’ve never met know me via these aliases. It’s amazing how many people I know as a seemingly incoherent collection of letters and numbers… “pyro324,” “pagangrl44a” or strange collections of acronyms that only make sense to their possessors… “DraEagWol,” “DJtwizzda.” And then there’s this weird pantheon of mythical and fictional characters… “Gaia4life,” “Volpone,” “Chepikanti.” A few of these people I can put “real life” names to, some I have even met face to face… others are only recognizable to me through those little avatars that accompany their silent, written-word only voices on a dozen message boards, blogs and instant messenger programs. All the same, they hold a valuable place in my world… and I think my world would be less rich without them.

MOST IMPORATNTLY
…my love, my rock, my wife. No matter how stupid crazy this life becomes, no matter what crap gets churned up and spat at me by the frenzied wheel of time, she’s always right there to help me get cleaned up and sane. I continually tell people how amazed I am that I somehow found a partner who can constantly put up with all of my bullshit, who may not always approve of what I’m up to but rarely becomes disapproving, who considers me valuable and worthy, who needs me as much as I need her. That’s an important thing, a very very very important thing. Without her I would never have made it this far… I’d be dead or in jail or sleeping in a cardboard box and pretending to be blind for a living. Of all the blessings this world has seen fit to gift me with, she is and always will be the most cherished of them all.

AND LASTLY
…music. There is something about always being able to listen to good advice that you can whistle to that is like being wrapped up in a warm blanket and given a cup of hot milk. It’s a little on the warm-fuzzy side, but you do need to pamper yourself on occasion, and music can be such a powerful way to tap into needed emotion. I leave you with these verses from a song by Great Big Sea.

Hey man, you don't know what you're missing
You count your curses and forget about the blessings
Don't you think you should learn a little lesson
What are you waiting for?

Hey man, what makes you so special
Can't seem to find the angels for the devils
Don't you think that if you learned to love a little
You'd live a whole lot more

(Chorus)
Let it Go Let it Go
This is smaller than you know
It's no bigger than a pebble lying on a gravel road
Let it Go Let it Go
Got to leave it all behind you
Give the sun a chance to find you
Let it Go

Hey man, there's no time for crying now
You made your bed but don't think its fit to lie in
Wasted on the ground when you know you should be flying
What are you waiting for?

(Chorus)

How can a man not see
It seems so clear to me
You've just got to live and learn
Smile at the simple stuff
This road ain't long enough
To miss a single turn

(Chorus)

Peace y’all. Next time: Whacking Goats.

Another day, another dollar

2006-03-03T05:29:00.000-08:00

Argh maties.... this little pirate's been swamped!

I now must admidt I've bitten off way more than I can chew. In fact, I've got so much on my plate I have to rely on old cliches to speak in meaningful sentances.

There's one cliche I've been pondering... I don't know that I ever really knew (or know) what it meant. (or means) "A stitch in time saves nine." My time could certainly use some stitching, that's fer sure. Lemme see if I can give everyone a quick rundown of what's going on upon the high seas in Manhattan Kansas.

We just opened the opera last night. As I've mentioned, it's not really an opera, but that's what they call it around here. it's "A Little Night Music," a well known Tony Award winner with music by Stephen Sondheim. It does have some wonderful music, and I've enjoyed being a part of the production team. I designed the lights, and after many weeks of trial and tribulation, the thing is finally open to public viewing.

Total number of light cues: 153. Number of cues actually called by the stage manager, 135. Now all that remains is the paperwork... plot, color key, magic sheets, track sheets, descriptive cue list... the paperwork alone will consume the next three days... but it's done. The show is lit. I was mostly happy with the results... I just hope I get a decent grade on the silly thing. Now we get ready for the Spring dance show, in which I'll be lighting two dances... then one more lighting design for our Lunchbag series. Urf.

Wednesday night I finally attended rehearsals for the next show I'm performing in. It's "Metamorphoses" by Mary Zimmerman, (Another tony Award winner) It's a re-telling of Ovid's Metamorphoses... Greek mythology and such. I play five characters, including Sysiphus, which seems oddly appropriate. (Sysiphus was doomed to an eternity in Hades of pushing a huge boulder up a hill... but when he'd get near the top, the boulder would roll back to the bottom and he'd have to start over.) I also play Ceyx - a king who left his wife to go adventuring on the seas against her wishes, and drowned in a storm, Erysichthon - another king who cut down a sacred grove of trees and was punished with all-consuming hunger by the gods (he eventually eats his own foot) Cinyras - yet another king who's daughter was cursed by Aphrotide for her refusal to love (who eventually seduces her own father) and lastly a fairly nice (non-king) character named Philemon - a very poor and humble man who takes Hermes and Zeus into his house believing them to be lowly beggars and is rewarded with eternal life as a tree along with his wife, so that one would never have to watch the other die.

Along the way we also have tales of Midas and his daughter, Phaeton and Apollo, Orpheus and Eurydice, Vertumnus and Pomona -- all very intense and soul-searching works. It's really amazing how many of these ancient stories have a direct collorary with modern issues, and also how archtypial they are... you find paralell tales in most major world religions. It's a huge ensemble piece, and we've been working on group exersizes to put us on the same path mentally and physically... including Yoga.

Yes, Yoga. Never thought much of it before, but it's pretty interesting stuff. The first time I participated in the basic chant I found myself having what could almost be called an "out-of-body" experience. I was practically detached from myself... it was strange, and in a very weird way quite enjoyable and amazingly relaxing. I may actually pursue it a little more on my own time.

When I find my own time... not in the hour after waking up and heading off to school... not in the hour between classes and work... not in the two hours between work and rehearsals, not in the two hours between rehearsals and bedtime... somewhere out there is time... waiting to be stiched into the fabric of my life. Until I find the sewing kit, I'll just have to deal with the ol' grindstone, do the ol' "early to bed early to rise" routine, hang onto the bird in the hand, try not to throw stones from this glass house and remember there are two pairs of footprints in the sand everytime I look back.

At Last A Little Break

2006-02-17T05:43:00.000-08:00

Well, the time has come for a mini-vacation!

Wifey and I are off to Coloradoo... Denver to be more specific. The reason is two-fold (or is that two-ply?) First, there's a band playing that neither of us have seen live in concert, and as they aren't exactly the best known grooup in the land, we've been keeping an eye out for dates when they were even close, and it turns out 8 hours is about as close as they're goonna get.

The grooup is called Great Big Sea, and they play a mix of Irish, Scottish and French traditional tunes, with a loot of Newfoundland style. At first you might think they're a folk group, but althoough they doo a lot of folk tunes, they give most of what they doo a modern flare, and they have their own material thats a lot more "pop" like, althoough it's better than a loot of what passes for pop music today.

Learn more aboot the band at: http://www.greatbigsea.com/

Oh, and yes... they're Canadian. That's what the extra "o"s are aboot.

Second reason for the trip... we need a break from KSU. Things have been just absolutely hecktic the last few weeks... constantly in production and my school work is suffereing for it. The last show, The Underpants finished up well with a couple of packed houses and a lot of laughs, but as soon as that one rang down we leapt straight into the next. I have a ton of lighting design paperwork to complete by Teusday, and the set is not quite ready to go on stage. But as all things in the theatre, it WILL be on stage for opening night. And there WILL be lights. And singing. And dancing. And more singing.

On the MOPO front... the first of two new scripts has been roughed out, and I'm starting on the second one next week. We've added another faire to our schedule, this one in Sioux City Iowa at the very tail end of September... that would be the Riverssance Festival. They only want us to be strolling characters, so without having to do a stage show or run the pillory, it will be a very very fun weekend.

Don't forget... you can check out our "demo of a demo of a fancy slideshow video thingie" at:

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2697158

Peace!!

MOPO Video on-line.... or is it?

2006-02-11T12:58:00.000-08:00

Okay... not sure if this will work at all... so I need some guinea pigs to give it a shot and see what happens.

I managed to get a rough version of part of the promo DVD uploaded to the web... go to this URL:

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2697148

and let me know what happens... if you can see the video, if you can view the video, if you are told you need additional software to see the video, if you are told you need an account to view the video, if the video just takes too dratted long to download... let me know how things worked and / or didn't work for you. This version is about 20 megs... but even if you have a slow dial up, try it and see what happens.

Then, try this one:

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2697158

It's a MUCH larger file... I won't even tell you how much larger... but larger... however, it would obviously have better resolution and what not... give it a shot, see what happens... I might say that if you have a slow dial up, you may want to skip this one.

And... of course, if you did manage to see the silly thing(s), let me know what you think... unless you hated it... you can keep that to yerself! (tee hee!)Thanks!

ANOTHER PLUNDERED PIC!!

2006-02-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

ARRRR!!! Finally a keyboard I kin' gets me some work done on! I be pilferin' this here fancy pic from a mate who goes by the name a Owen Roberts, who posted it on the YE PIRATE BREHTREN forums... wherefrom I instantly stole it. Where or who he may have stoled it, I canna say... but now it be mine... all mine!

Errrr.... and yers too.

OPENING NIGHT

2006-02-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is... the day that every performer anticipates with a tumbling cascade of jumbled thoughts and emotions. Opening Night. Excitement mixes with nervous anticipation. A sense of nearly attained completion hangs in the air... it's early in the day and there are several hours to while away until places are called, so there is still time to go over your script one (or two or three) last times... to run the blocking in your mind's eye... to try to remember the last few notes the director gave you after final dress... to see if maybe there is just a slightly better way to deliver that one line you still seem to have trouble with... remind yourself to check to make sure that silly prop you forgot last night is in it's proper place. Just enough time in the day for the twinge of anxiety to surge and receed like waves lapping one after another in their own relentless exersize. Lots of time to field all of the questions that will be asked when you see your friends througout the afternoon... "are you ready?" "are you excited?" "are you nervous?" Yes, no... no... yes... I hope so... and then suddenly the realization that maybe you're not ready... that maybe you've spent the last month preparing for that moment of falling flat on your face.

It can be an awful day if you're playing in a drama... but even worse if it's a comedy. The whole idea is to make the audience laugh... what if they don't laugh? What if I'm not funny? What if I try too hard to be funny and mess myself up? The rational side of your brain kicks in and trys to calm you down... you know your lines. You know your blocking. You know your motivation. You've been here before and you have experience at this sort of thing. You are part of a fantastic cast and the crowds will LOVE the show.

But what if they don't? What if I forget to powder my make-up and my face melts under the stage lights? What if I trip down the stairs? (It's happened before y'know!)

But then again... you don't go out on that stage if you're not confident. Hitting the stage nervous and slightly anxious is normal, but if you don't believe in yourself, your director, your cast, your designers, your crew... it's all over... end of story.

The first little wave of chuckling as the initial joke lands. The first laugh line in the show is the toughest... the audience isn't warmed up, so it's rare that the first joke brings waves of laughter. You remind yourself that up until now only the crew, the designers and a few close friends have watched rehearsals... favorable crowds who will laugh just because they see freinds in silly wigs... just because the first joke landed on those folk doesn't mean it will land on a paying crowd... what if they don't laugh? And what if they do? Will I remember to hold for the laugh? What if I hold for a laugh and there's no laugh? What if there's a laugh and I don't hold and kill it? What if I forget my pants?? Wait... someone will tell me if I've forgotten my pants.

Then again... what if the thing is a smashing success? That will feel fantastic, and make all of the effort so very worthwhile... congratulatory pats on the back, accolades and such... the handshakes and hugs of a cast who have triumphed in a very small way in a very small town in a fairly small world, but in a way that's meaningful to us, to me... and hopefully to somebody else as well.

A little coffee to calm the nerves... or keep that nervous energy tingling perhaps. it's 9:30 in the morning, and that quickly computes to 10.5 hours to curtain... 10.5 hours that will seem to crawl by moment by agonizing moment. Make-up call at 6:15... thats when it starts to get real... when the combined emotions of six actors and a dozen technicians begins to mingle and blend like a Japanese Watercolor... layering on top and into each other, building into a buzz that you can easily enough get high on.

I've been doing this for years... more than 20 years now... and still, even to this very day... this very specific day of all days... the butterflies still find a way into the stomach. You'd think it would become old hat. After 50 or so of these things, you'd figure that eventually you'd acclimate to it, but you don't. The challenge is a new, fresh, untested and untried obsticle to be reckoned with. You close your eyes... deep breath. Pink in, blue out. Remember to open up on that line, remember to listen to your partner on stage, remember to land the action, pick up the cue, hold the pace, stay in the moment, focus focus focus. Concentrate, think on your feet, but stay loose.

Staying loose... that's what the next 10.5 hours are all about. Loose and relaxed. It's just another day.... another night.

Opening Night.

Worth The Click -- Sorta

2006-01-31T09:06:00.000-08:00

You should prepare for visiting this site by drawing all of your window shades, brewing a big pot of coffee, spiking it with the additive of your choice, turning up your stereo so that it's blaring out Heart's "Bebe LaStrange" and getting really comfy. If you are the type who uses mind-altering substances, DO NOT PARTAKE before clicking. You're asking for misery if you ignore this advice.

All set? Here's the link:

www.bretpalmer.com

Stepping Stones

2006-01-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

Boy o boy o boy.... where does the time go?

Right... all kinds of ground to cover for those who check in on a periodic basis... returning readers might have some idea of where some of the following ramblings are coming from. New readers may be confused, and there is certain to be some middle ground as well. Let's start with the stuff that's consuming most of my life at the current moment.

UNDERPANTS

No, it's not about fetishes. "UNDERPANTS" is the name of the play that we are currently rehearsing down here at Kansas State University. It's a fun little farce written by Carl Sternheim and adapted by Steve Martin. (Yes, that Steve Martin.) It's about a husband and wife living in Germany around 1910 or so. One day the wife goes to a parade that the King is appearing in, and for some strange reason, her bloomers fall down... which is noticed by several men in the crowd. It just so happens this lady and her husband have a spare room for rent, and wouldn't you know, suddenly there are a number of men trying to rent the room. Hilarity ensues. (No, really... it does.) The New York Daily News calls it "A hilarious, over-the-top farce."

I play Theo, the husband, who is completely oblivious to the intentions of the new renters. We've been in rehearsals since January 2, and we open a week from this Thursday, so for those of you with theatrical backgrounds, you can imagine where our stress levels are in that show. I have a small advantage in that I've done a number of farces in the past, but even I struggle from time to time. All of my recent Renaissance Faire experience has lent itself to some bad habits... I have to really pay attention to my vocal technique... at faire you're outside and you have to really push hard from the gut to throw your voice as far as possible. Once you're on a stage inside a building, that technique means you sound breathy and tend to drop ending constonants on words.

Of course, in addition to being in the cast, I'm supervising the construction of the set as well, and we're a bit behind there. (What? A scenic shop behind schedule? Thats never happend before!) Part of the problem is that the American College Theater Festival regionals are being held in Fargo, and half of our department (including some key shop personell) are out of town this week. But, the prognosis is good... the show WILL go on. I hope to get my hands on a .jpg of the show poster... it's just soooo cute! I'll post it when I get a chance.

A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC

Yep... continuing on the subject of upcoming theatrical endeavors, the "opera" this year at KSU is indeed the old favorite "A Little Night Music." It's NOT really an opera... it's a musical. Don't ask me why they bill it as an opera down here. Anyway, I am designing the lights for the show, and production meetings have begun. With all the other things going on, I haven't had time to do much of the initial design work... plot breakdown, emotional text, magic sheets... but I'm going to have to knuckle down on it pretty soon. Fortunately for me, this will be the thrid time I've been involved in this particular title... first time as an actor, the second time as a props assistant and now as a lighting geek. So, I have a pretty good feel for the plot and the music. If you've ever heard the song "Send In The Clowns," it comes from this show.

THE MINISTRY OF PETTY OFFENSES

Right then... our summer Renaissance show. Well, we have three bookings so far... the 4th Annual Nebraska Renaissance Fesitval, the new Amana Colonies Renaissance Festival and our old favorite, the Nodaway Corn Carnival and Renaissance faire. For dates and more info, visit http://www.ministryofpetty.com/fairesched.html I'm still desperately trying to find time to write new material, but as I've mentioned, the concepts are in place for two brand new shows and a number of variations on the old gig. There is an outside chance of adding a little music as well, hoping that enthusiasm and character can overcome lack of actual musical talent. (Funny songs, funny voices, lots of funny expressions.)

THE ROYAL PIRATES OF TORTUGA

The founder decided to change the name slightly. Seems there's an old movie called "The Pirates Of Tortuga" and Paramount Studios apparently owns the copyright to the name. Our leader is worried that Paramount might catch wind of our little band of pirates and sue us, so we've added the "Royal" to avoid being squished like ants under the giant foot of corporate attourneys. I think we might need to have a slightly larger reputation to garner that kind of attention, but hey... whatever.

CONTINUING EDUCATION

Aaaannnd... I'm doing all that I can to keep up with the whole purpose of being enrolled at KSU, which is to obtain a degree. Last semester I managed a 4.0 and made the academic honor roll. I don't know if I'll be able to repeat that performance or not. Three classes I'm fairly comfortable with... History of American Music, Expository Writting II and Advanced Lighting Design I should be able to get in that "A" range. The last class I have is Intro to Philosophy of Art... and that's gonna be a bugger. I took the class thinking we'd have all kinds of esoteric conversations, discussions, debates and what not. HA!!! JOKE'S ON ME!! Turns out that philosophy is roughly equivilent to Linguistic Algebra. Take any statement, break it down into standard form, find the premise and the conclusion, plop it into an argumentative formula and feel the brain cells overheat. Supposedly this is easy stuff... at least Dr. Hamilton says it is. I'm sure for some people it is indeed "easy stuff." Hopefully it will become easier for me. As for now, I'm seeking out a tutor. Preferably one with a TON of patience.

THE WIFE

Is doing well. Sadly, one of her aunts passed away this week and she had to attend the funeral today. I couldn't go along because of my commitments here, and I feel pretty rotten for that. It was a very somber good-bye when she left last night, and I couldn't help but feel guilty for not being there to support her and the rest of the family. I just hope they forgive me. At any rate, this unfortunate event comes right on top of the whole "UNDERPANTS" thing, which affects her as well because she designed the set for the show and she is responsible for getting it painted, a responsibility she takes very very seriously. She didn't need the added stress, that's for sure. However, she's a strong person... stronger than she knows, and she'll troop on through no matter what it takes. I'm continually inspired by her work ethic... if anyone can make me feel lazy and inadequate, it's my wife. (I mean that in a GOOD way.)

PIPPEN PICS

To quote from West Side Story: "Someday.... somewhere...."

Maybe next week. Who knows? Maybe the show never existed to begin with?

Okay...

I think that's enough updating for now. Congratulations on reading it all. Updates as soon as I can swim to that life preserver over there.... hope the sharks aren't hungry!

Peace!!

One Small Step For Man

2006-01-23T10:39:00.000-08:00

One giant leap for pirate-kind!

Long Time No Post!

2006-01-13T08:06:00.000-08:00

Wow... who knew how buisy a person could get durring down time? Here I thought I'd do all these great and wonderfull things in the three weeks between the end of the fall semester and the start of the spring... but suddenly my life was consumed by college football, lazing around on the couch, eating potato chips and generally goofing off.

And, of course I'm paying the price now. Classes back in full swing, play rehearsals, design work due, part-time job.... blah blah blah et al. And of course, I've made all these promises that I can't possibly ignore that are by neccessity slipping farther and farther down the priority list.

It's not the amount of work needed to accomplish all these tasks... I'm no stranger to hard work and quite honestly, I could do with less free time in general. What I'm starting to worry about is the mental and emotional strain that I'm going to be facing soon. I'm usually pretty good at dealing with stress... I used to say I was like a duck when it came to that. Stress just ran right off my back because I simply refused to get so caught up in the minutae... that I could easily enough let the little things go and concentrate on the larger issues. The problem now, it seems, is that there are a lot of OTHER people who believe their issues ARE the larger ones, regardless of my order of priority.

So, you're going to have to wait a little longer for the PIPPEN pics... that's the bottom line. I know your hearts are crushed by this news, but you'll survive, I'm sure.

Peace!!

Whoa! Long Time No See!

2006-01-06T23:13:00.000-08:00

So sorry... you know how things get around that end of December time... everyone visiting family, friends, enemies, making peace with the universe, your station in life, your association with the afterworld... et al. Hope everyone had a happy end of December celibration... whether that be the thing they call Christmas, the Solstice, Hannaka (okay, I don't know how to spell it... sue me) Kwanza (sue me again...) or whatever December thing you celibrate. Not to belittle anyone's beliefes or anyting... you ALL have valid points... it's just that at this point in my life i've learned to simply go with the flow. I'm an Agnostic.... you're all right... I have no argument against whatever you need to believe to make your life complete.

Whatever it was, I hope it way joyous. That's all that really matters. As long as you are happy, I'm tickled pink!

Okay... I know what you're thinking... where the heck are those PIPPEN pics you promised all those months ago? Take my word for it... they are on their way! All I have to do is figure out where the wife stored them on the hard-drive and I'll upload them forth-with! I'm not just using that as an excuse to keep drawing the regulars back day after day after day.... (oh fine... week after week. ) (Oh alright... Month after month. Fer cryin' out loud, I've only been blogging a month or two... it's not like I have it down to an exact science or anything.... I DO live in KANSAS after all.... we re-define science down here whenever we need to, doncha' know??)

I haven't posted to the blog lately because I've been very, very buisy. Throw the End Of December Celibration aside, I've been completely swamped with responsibllity. We're deep into rehearsals for the first show of the semester, (The Underpants, adapted by Steve Martin) which has been consuming most of my psyche... and not only am I cast in the show but I'm more or less responsible for getting the set built as well... and considering the fact that my wife is the scenic designer, that's no small thing.

On top of that, the play I designed lights for, (The Last Black Play) has been chosen for the regional ACTF festival, meaning I have to re-design the lights for the stage it will play on in Fargo S.D.... which is far different from the stage we presented it on here in Manhattan, KS. Oh, and I've been assigned the lighting design for our spring Opera plus three other minor productions. And I have 12 hours of classes, and another show that begins rehearsals no less that 8 days after the current production I'm rehearsing for closes. I mean, with all that free time on my hands, is it any wonder I haven't found a moment to write new scripts for the summer Renaissance season?

Ah yes... the summer Renaissance season... I've been promising new material for at least three months now, and haven't found a single darn moment to sit and write any of it. Ideas I have... I've even managed at least one outline.... but a fleshed out script???? Not quite there yet. All the same, I will have fully fleshed out scripts ready in time for rehearsals before spring has sprung. It's even more important to me to follow through on this promise that it is to post PIPPEN pics. If you are a follow-er of MOPO, be ready for some new stuff, because it IS coming... MOPO fans will be able to see three shows a day and never see the same show twice... that's the goal I have commited to and will follow through on. That is... if I can survive this whole education process.

Right... I feel like I've done my job here.... I've posted to the blog, filled in the folks who are desperately awaiting MOPO developments AND PIPPEN pics.... (I WILL POST PIPPEN PICS!!!) and wished everyone a happy End of December and merry First of January. Just keep hanging around, and amazing things will happen. I promise. (Oh fine... I don't promise... I insinuate. Just hang around anyway. You know you want to. You wouldn't keep coming back if you didn't.)

Peace!!

Pirates VS. Ninjas

2005-12-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

Politically Correct X-mas

2005-12-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

Okay... yah, I stole this one from somewhere else... but it's funny and I'm a Pirate.

Enjoy!
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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 2

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree present. No, Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 3

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 7

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party-the days are so short this time of year-or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything? Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 8

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay??? Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
DATE: December 9

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan" there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home. Patty

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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party
DATE: December 10

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care... I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!! Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die you hear me!!!!!!!!!!! The ßitch from HËLL!!!!!!!!

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FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Happy Holidays!

Worth The Click!! Must See!!

2005-12-09T12:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, I almost never post twice in the same day, but I just ran across this, and you NEED to see it!! If you get into Christmas light decorations, then you're gonna LOVE it! Click the link NOW!!

http://www.mypartypost.com/watchvideo/1033/Best_Christmas_Lights_Display_Ever

What I Want for That December Thing...

2005-12-09T10:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, call me Scrooge, call me Grinch, call me what you will, but we all know that no matter what they say, there is only ONE thing that's on all of our collective minds right now...

"What should we get ESV for Christmas?"

Well rest your weary brains y'all! I can help you find the PERFECT gift! Note the visual aid above and to the left for a hint... NO... I don't want a man's pair of legs for Christmas. I don't swing that way and I already have a pair of legs, thank you. But look at these boots! These are easily the COOLEST boots I've seen in a long time, and I've seen a LOT of boots in my day! I wear a size nine-and-a-half. Feel free to pool your resources. Merry Christmas!

The Scary Part!

2005-12-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

Here we go...

It's one week until my first final exam, and I'm absolutely petrified. Although I attended college for a full four years back in the late 80's and early 90's, I can only remember ever taking one final exam, so this is practically a brand new experience.

It actually kicks off today... I have a History class with a very cool professor. We have our last quiz in his class today, and he makes a deal that if you are holding an "A" average after this last quiz, you don't have to take his final and get an "A" for the semester. Needless to say, I spent the entire evening last night preparing for this quiz, and I'll be doing a little more brushing up this morning. If I can nail this quiz, I'm 99% certain that I'll have one less final to worry about. Cross your fingers for me!

Then the next two days are spend finishing a research paper for my Theatre History class... I'm doing a paper on the Astor Place Riots, which is little more than a footnote in Theatre History, but a pretty fascinating event all around... the idea that a squabble between two actors could lead to the deaths of 31 people is kinda sobering. Makes you really wonder if any argument or difference of opinon is worthy enough of holding a grudge. Sure, times are different now, but I think I'll stay out of the whole Hillary Duff / Lindsay Lohan affair.

Then, a week from today it begins. Cultural Anthropology final at 2:00 pm. Wednesday at 2:00, Natural Disasters (pray I'm not one of them) and Thursday at 11:50, Theatre History. Then four weeks of glorious nothingness... well, except for writing MOPO scripts, visiting family for that dreaded holiday thing they do every December, and learning lines for play rehearsal in early January... and then a whole new round of these silly college classes.

Nine days and Eight nights... that's all that stands between me an a 4.0 semester. Wish me luck!

Peace y'all!

It's Worth The Click!

2005-12-04T00:20:00.000-08:00

Um... if the link works, that is. Good luck!

http://www.therentable.com/smf/index.php?topic=758.0;topicseen

Just Had To Share

2005-11-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

Okay... found this one on the Pyracy Pub message boards, posted by "Biker." My apologies to any Scotsmen (or women) out there. Please don't kill me.

Scottish Culture was created on a dare.

It seems one night there were three Scotsmen sitting around a campfire, talking and drinking while tending their sheep. As the night wore on (and they got deeper into their cups), they got to daring each other to do more and more outrageous things which would be sure to greatly annoy the English.

Suddenly, the First Scotsman up and declared: 'I'm going to take the intestines of one of our sheep, stuff it full of oatmeal and sausage and lard, cook it 'til it's black -- and EAT the whole damn thing!'

Not to be outdone, the Second Scotsman said: 'Well, I'm going to take the intestines of one of our sheep, stick some flutes on it and make a bleedin' musical instrument out of the bloody thing!!'

The Third Scotsman then said: 'HA! I'll beat you all, then!! Not only will I EAT your bleedin' sheep intestines and PLAY your damned pipes afterwards -- but I'll wear a friggin' DRESS while I'm doing it!!!

MOPO On The Move

2005-11-28T07:53:00.000-08:00

Well, things are happening in the land of MOPO.

We've booked three festivals for '06 so far, The Nebraska Renaissance Festival, the Amana Colonies Renaissance Festival, and the Nodaway Renaissance Festival. We're still working on getting more gigs booked, and if you happen to be a faire promoter or entertainment director, you should be thinking about contact us soon! Our summer could fill really fast! Seriously! Hurry! Don't miss out!

Progress on the audition DVD continues... we have some additional footage of the street show now that we'll be adding into the mix, and as soon as my DVD expert has an extra day, we'll be re-editing and pressing copies. We need to get this project done, as there are auditions starting in January already, so final editing should be happening in the next week or two. My next major task will be figuring out how to get it uploaded to the web for available download.

I continue to bug various promoters and entertainment directors on a regular basis. I know it's late November, and more likely than not most events aren't thinking too seriously about booking acts for next spring and fall, but I'm relentless when it comes to getting our name out there. We're really hoping to expand our sphere of influence and adding new faires to the list this next summer. Year three is the "make or break" year for new acts, so if we can just manage to have a good season, there's no telling how far we could take this gig. We have one of our members representing us at informal meetings for the new permanant event in Des Moines IA, which would be a nice event to get hooked into. We've worked with the promoter for that event in the past, but they seem to be taking a fairly staunch corporate line on this event, which may make things a little dicey... but we'll dot all the i's and cross all the t's and see what happens.

We've added a new member to the cast, Mr. John Brown, aka Jauncey Macdougal, The Yellow Pirate. Those of you who frequent faires in the midwest may have seen him hanging out around Amos Foods and selling pickles from time to time. John is a very funny fellow, and we're very happy to have added his talent to our schtick. Plus, it gives us an "in" for discount pickles, which makes me very happy.

Script work also continues... sort of. I've been very buisy with school work, so the whole "creative" effort has been primarily placed on schoolastics. However, with about a month's worth of semester break coming up, I'll be able to throw myself at that project. Our base show is solid, but I don't want to be one of those acts that does the same show time after time after time, faire after faire, year after year. Gotta keep it fresh, and so there will be at least two new variations by mid-January or so. I'm really hoping to build a few new "devices of detainment" for both the street and stage shows... I've got this concept for a great "finale" show which we would only do once per faire where we have a pillory, stocks, shrew's fiddle and one or two other items on stage. This show would be almost as informational and educational as entertaining and could make a great addition to our existing repretory. It's just a matter of finding the time to write and more importantly, time to rehearse. I have faith, however, that we can accomplish anything we set our minds to. The key thing is to keep it fun... when it stops being fun, it's no longer worth the effort.

Well, that's it for now. Yes, Pippen pics are on the way... stop fretting!

Peace!

Ego Trip!

2005-11-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

Okay... it had to be done.

First... yes... Pippen went very well. Show went up on time (they always do) and was very well received. I will put up some photos very soon.

Second... we had auditions for the spring semester over this last weekend... and after many many years of inactivity on the boards, yours trully has been cast in not one, but two... count 'em... two shows!

One is an adaptation of an old German farce called "The Underpants," re-written by Steve Martin (yep... the wild and crazy guy.) Somehow I managed to nail the male lead in that show, which pleases me to no end. The second show is called "Metamorphasis," and it's a re-telling of several Greek myths, combining humor and sentimentality. It's an ensemble piece, and the director hasn't even begun assigning actual roles... she just put out a cast list.

So, even though I'm dissapointed not to have been cast in "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Unabridged)," I'm not at all dissapointed in the overall results. It's never been so good to be a 37 year old sophomore!

You Might Be A Rennie If...(sum volume)

2005-11-11T06:23:00.000-08:00

At long last... the final 20 indicators of rennie-ism

81. If you date a man that shows more leg than you.

82. If your idea of a fun evening at home is laughing at the costumes on "Xena, Warrior Princess".

83. If you consider bread and water lunch rather than torture.

84. If you think dust is one of the 4 basic food groups.

85. If your morning routine involves oiling or polishing something.

86. If someone asks you to lace them up, and it's not their shoes.

87. If you're a woman and most of your male friends have longer and prettier hair than you.

88. If you can spell Renaissance without looking it up.

89. If you feel undressed without at least 2 layers of clothing, yet run stark naked in the campground!

90. If you try to flip the "IN USE" sign on your bathroom at home.

91. If you consider a Rice Krispie treat, All Sport drink, Vivarin and a bottle of Pepto Bismol breakfast.

92. If you consider the Maypole dance as "wrap music".

93. If the concept of "sleeping in on the weekend" meets your definition of nostalgia.

94. If you and your significant other are sorting laundry and one of you has to ask, "Are these your tights or mine?"

95. If your idea of a perfect gift is a professional insult.

96. If you yell "HUZZAH!" when your team scores.

97. If a big hairy man insults your mother and you applaud.

98. If in August you try to flush the privy and by October you forget to flush anywhere.

99. If you can tie your shoes with Celtic knots.

100. IT TAKES A 12-STEP PROGRAM TO GET OUT OF CHARACTER!

....whew. Hope y'all enjoyed.

Peace!

Ahh, Load-In Week

2005-11-07T06:29:00.000-08:00

Well, here we go with what will likely proove to be one helluva interesting week.

We're starting to load in the fall musical, Pippen, this afternoon. (I won't express to you my personal distaste for this title... it's not one of the best musicals to ever grace the stage. Mind you, I'm speaking stricly of the title, not our production of it, which will be wonderful)

This is the week where we set up all the lights, install the scenery etc. It's a fairly good-sized show, and all would be pretty simple but for one or two small details...

The set not being 100% being one somewhat major detail...

Surprisingly enough, not a major problem tho... in fact, it's somewhat typical that a theatre might still be putting the finishing touches on scenery and props at this point in the game. You always try to plan things out and work towards the goal of being done by now, but the very nature of theatre usually means at least one, and more likely a hundred things will go awry along the way. We in the theatre are no strangers to putting in long days (and nights) in the last week or so leading up to the first few technical rehearsals.

The difference this time around, for me anyway, is that it's the first time in many many years that I've had responsibilities as a student as well. It's not simply a matter of working from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m... it's also a matter of going to class and figuring out how to get my assignments done for this week. I've worked out a scheme to read bits and peices of my work whenever I get a spare five or ten minutes, durring meal breaks and such, but I must say, on the face it looks like a nearly impossible proposition. It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't already behind on my reading.

Funny thing is, I'm not worried about the show at all. After almost two decades of building shows and putting them on stage, never once has one not made the deadline. Sure, there have been frantic moments... I remember putting paint on scenery as the house opened to the audience for more than one show... but the show always opens, and 99% of the time, at the designated hour.

The most important thing to watch out for at this point are frayed nerves. Everyone is in a rush, everyone is working as fast and hard as possible, and it takes a bit of a mental toll. Fuses get short, frustration can run high, and on occasion people snap under the pressure.

I like to call it "crunch time," and it's where I do my best work. I like the pressure... it gives me clarity and focus.

In the end, it will be a beautiful show. My wife has designed the set, and though I may be a bit biased, I think it's marvelous. I'll post some production photos once we get some taken. My wife is a very talented designer, and I think KSU is lucky to have her around.

My big contribution to the show are the pneumatic casters that the large wagon units ride on. "Wagons" is tech jargon for "rolling platforms." Part of the design are these two "towers" primarily built out of scaffolding. They're about 16' tall, and are designed to play in various positions around the stage, turn around etc etc. I believe they move them about 14 times throughout the show. Because people have to climb up on them, it's very important that they be very very stable, which can sometimes be a challenge when they also have to be on wheels in order to move. So, I suggested borrowing a technique I used a lot up in Omaha, and put them on air casters... which are wheels that mount on a cylinder. The cylinder has a bladder that fills with air, pushing the caster down into contact with the floor, and then raises the platforms that form the wagons up. You can then push the wagons into a new position, let the air out of the casters, and set the units back on the floor... nice, stable base that won't roll out from underneath the actors. Works like a charm.

Anyway... a few late nights here as we finish the details... putting trim on a few walls, a little paint here and there, hinge a couple of doors, etc etc. Hopefully by Friday, all is in order and we can take a day off and get some schoolwork done. I may not get around to posting anything that takes much thought this week... so look forward to the last 20 "You Might Be A Rennie If" indicators, possibly a bit of dysfucntional ficiton, and yes, the quote of the week from some obscure dramatic literature.

Peace!!

Quote Of The Week

2005-11-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

" ...I act with delight, with rapture. I'm drunk when I'm on the stage, and feel that I am beautiful. And now, ever since I've been here, I've kept walking about, kept walking and thinking, thinking and believing my soul grows stronger every day. Now I understand that in our work ... acting or writing ... what matters is not fame, not glory, not what I used to dream about, it's how to endure, to bear my cross, and have faith. I have faith and it all doesn't hurt me so much, and when I think of my calling I'm not afraid of life."

~Anton Chechov, The Sea Gull

2005-11-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I passed, but apparently it's a good thing I'm back in school... maybe I need to take a US history survey?

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 7 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

The Way Back Machine

2005-10-31T06:52:00.000-08:00

Toolin' around the little blog circle (and it's really little... half a dozen or so) and noticed an old friend's daughter had just participated in her first theatrical production in high school. She was in the chorus of Big River... a stage adaptation of Twain's Huckleberry Fin. Just so happens the young lady goes to the same high school that my old friend and I attended together, and also where he met his wife.

Threw me into a bit of a nostalgic trance. I started pondering on how many of my acquaintances have actually met, fell in love and married due to their involvement in theatre. My old friend and his wife, myself and my wife... and thinking on it I can come up with seven or eight other couples who came together because of the theatre. Some of them, like my wife and I, are still very much active in the field... and others aren't so much anymore.

I guess my wife and I are still in it because there's nothing else we want to do... it may be a little sad, but no other career field holds even the slightest interest for us. Once or twice I've considered doing something else... opening a pet store, starting a karaoke business, becoming a world famous novelist... right now I'm toying with the idea of starting a production company (but found out how expensive trade-marks are... so much money just to have the right to stick two little letters next to a brand name!!) but really, when it all comes down to brass tacks, the only thing I really want to do is build sets and put on shows. Scary thing is, one day I'll be too old to kneel on the floor and staple flats together anymore, and eventually (the Good Lord willing) we'll have to be solvent enough to afford a house and maybe even kids... not easy to do on a carpenter's or designer's salary. I've decided that although management can be lucrative, it's not really what I'm best at.

However, one thing I am giving more serious thought to is a writing career. Now that I'm back in school, the opportunities are coming back around. Having spent so much of my life building scenery and props, I thought I could use my time here to get back into the artistic side of things... acting, playwrighting and dramaturgy. Sure, I do some of that with our renaissance show, but that's more a hobby than a serious career endeavor. There's no kidding ourselves on that one... we barely break even on our expenses doing the renaissance shows, as fun as they are. And, you can only have so much personal satisfaction writing thinly veiled poo-poo and pee-pee jokes.

Part of the deal is that I was starting to experience some burn-out. It happens to people... you spend so much time in the same area and sooner or later it looses it's novelty. I love theatre... wouldn't leave it behind for anything, but there did come a time when every show was just another show, no more important or exciting than the last. I was surrounded by people of like mind... sure, they were all very much into the creation of the show, all very professional, all very dedicated to quality entertainment, but all the same, there was a feeling of being amongst people who had lost sight of the whole concept of creating art. People who were just doing a job. Building a set was suddenly less about theatre than it was about a paycheck. The idea of putting in extra hours to get a show ready for the stage was handcuffed to the idea of drawing overtime. That whole idea of dedication, going the extra mile, doing what you're doing strictly for the love of it... all supplanted by vacation days, health insurance and a suitable 401k.

Now... back in school and surrounded by the young and their idealism, their energy, their enthusiastic way of looking at the world, and a total carefree attitude towards the future... it's incredibly invigorating. There's a renewed sense of "let's experiment... let's do something that's not commercially feasible, let's create some art... it's hard to explain. I feel rejuvenated... like there's something still left to accomplish, new things to try where failure doesn't equate to loosing a job. It's very liberating.

It takes me back to that old high school stage, where my old friend's daughter just got her first taste of live performance. Back to that old stage where anything was possible, no hurdle too high, no ditch too wide. Where passion is foremost and planning for the future really only means finding a way to get your homework done around rehearsals and crew calls. Where the mind is free to think big, and the sky is the limit. Where concerns like life insurance, living wills, retirement funds and social security don't mean squat, and the most exciting thing in the whole universe is opening night... and the most bittersweet is final curtain.

In a bit of a RUSH...

2005-10-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

"Totem"

I've got twelve disciples and a Buddha smile

Garden of Allah, Viking Valhalla

A miracle once in a while

I've got a pantheon of animals in a pagan soul

Vishnu and Gaia, Aztec and Maya

Dance around my totem pole

Totem pole...

I believe in what I see

I believe in what I hear

I believe that what I'm feeling

Changes how the world appears

Angels and demons dancing in my head

Lunatics and monsters underneath my bed

Media messiahs preying on my fears

Pop culture prophets playing in my ears

I've got celestial mechanics to synchronize my stars

Seasonal migrations, daily variations

World of the unlikely and bizarre

I've got idols and icons, unspoken holy vows

Thoughts to keep well-hidden, sacred and forbidden

Free to browse among the holy cows

That's why I believe...

I believe in what I see

I believe in what I hear

I believe that what I'm feeling

Changes how the world appears

Angels and Demons inside of me

Saviors and Satans all around me

Sweet chariot, swing low, come for me

You Might Be A REnnie If... (vol. 4)

2005-10-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

Okay... I am going to post the next 20 indicators of rennie experience, but first, a quick note that the last post here is NOT and indicator that I'm about to toss in my hat and take a long walk off a short pier. I'm not clinically depressed or anything... just a little introspective lately... and truth be told, I had written that piece maybe a year or so ago, and decided it would make a good stand-in post while I've been too buisy to write anything new.

So, my apologies to those who thought I was on the verge of a break-down or having a tough time of it... I'm actually a very happy, well-adjusted and content person. With deep and probing questions as to the nature of my own existance and why I even bother sometimes... but in a cheerful way. (Always read me cheerful... or mildly pissed. Or cheefully pissed... that works more often than not.)

Oh, one other thing... my friend Will turned me on to googlism.com For those who have never tried it, you input your name and it spits back a whole string of little quotes. Here's some of the results I got:

esv is flowing and readable
esv is self assured
esv is a joy to read
esv is recommended by such notable scholars as robert mounce
esv is as good as it gets
esv is dedicated to the creation

There were also a couple to deflate the ego that these previous comments might enhance...

esv is now null
esv is nothing more than a slightly stretched version of the standard
esv is a pain in the a**
esv is something of a paradox
esv is $0
esv is bigger on the inside

...and my absolute favorite...

esv is 22 inches longer overall and features 20 more inches of interior depth (...scary thought!)

Okay... enough! You can check out Will's blog here.

You Might Be A Rennie If...

61. You see a cute girl in the street and have to fight off the urge to say, "Good morrow, my lady."

62. You'd rather wear a bodice than a bra.

63. You can put a broad sword down your bodice.

64. You like haggis, and you're not Scottish.

65. You start to show the bus driver your gate pass.

66. You dream in your festival accent . . . and it doesn't seem odd.

67. You're standing in a furniture store thinking, "Gee, that fabric would make a terrific doublet"

68. You have tan lines that match your bodice neckline, NOT your swimsuit.

69. You see someone wearing a purple polo shirt on the street and think, "Uh-oh, only royalty is supposed to wear that color."

70. You take out your house keys . . . as you walk to your tent.

71. You always carry a dagger . . . just in case.

72. You KNOW what's worn under a Scotsman's kilt.

73. You have your Festival name printed on your business cards.

74. You need to photocopy something and you ask where you can find a scribe.

75. Someone outside of Festival introduces you and you wait for them to give your title.

76. You've won an argument with the Costume Director because your sources are better than theirs.

77. You actually know how to fence with a sword and mug.

78. You sign your festival name on your personal checks.

79. You see someone with a knife and all you can think is, "Why isn't that peace-tied?"

80. You think of sheep as a *common* household pet.

Don't read this...

2005-10-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

Right folks... a little break from the whole “you might be a rennie if” thing. I’m sorry to do this to you, but my inner self will out once and a while.

I give you an exercise in the (what is) most likely futile. For what it's worth, you may want to bail right now. Seriously. If you do not bail, then you can't say you weren't warned.

Because it's on these nights, when yours truly can't sleep, that the real bullshit starts flying. The real bullshit. Not this namby-pamby pity poor me because I'm a fish out of water in a socially repressive tuna can...

The real stuff.

Cha... you say. As if it could ever get more self-involved when it comes to yours truly. This guy is in love with the sound of his own name. This ass never says "I," he always refers to himself in the goddam fourth person... I mean, how embarrassingly arrogant is that?

But, when you look at it closely, it's hard to blame the guy. Honestly... who was the last person to really, really put him in his place? To make the test tougher, let's change the question to "who was the last person to really, really put him in his place without dumping a cold drink in his lap?"

When the crazy wheel slows down, where will I be? Back where I started.

Forget, if you will (as if you remembered) all that has gone before in the mind and soul of yours truly. It hasn't been clearly explained, so you can be forgiven for not knowing. All that proceeded is preamble to the depths of narcissism yours truly is capable of. No limit can be set upon the amount of focus yours truly is willing to put upon himself.

One thing can be said for yours truly however; he is willing to point out his own faults.

He's simply not willing to correct them. Or, would one ask, is he willing but unable? Or rather, is he willing and able but absolutely terrified at the prospect?

Society seems to favor those who accomplish two things simultaneously: stand out in a crowd and yet become faceless at the same time. Radical is good as long as it's tempered. Different is good as long as it's the same. Instincts are natural until they conflict with morality. Morality is dictated by a powerful minority, and the minority is scared shitless that the majority will finally oust them. In the meanwhile, we all dash about as confused as can be, because all we ever receive are conflicting signals.

Thin good, thin bad.

Macho good, macho bad.

Fame good, fame bad.

Masturbation natural, masturbation perverted.

Masturbation funny, masturbation offensive.

Take your pick. There's not an ounce of fact to back any of it up. It's all supposition, and we idly go along with whatever that powerful minority says we should go along with because... well... because it makes them powerful. That's exactly what they want... what they've always wanted.

(You were warned... don't say you weren't.)

Lying in bed, desperately wishing he could achieve a task as simple as closing his eyes and going to sleep without driving himself insane with his own inner voice, yours truly felt a twinge of pain for any telepaths who might be helplessly locked into his intellectual minutiae... (or insomniacs reading his blog) what must be the most incomprehensible, jumbled, scattered ruminations that ever saw the light of concept.

All the same, if you're still with me now, there's no point in feeling sorry for you anymore. You were told where the chicken exits are. (scroll down more)

Maybe its the sudden realization that the more you get ahead, the less you actually are expected to go. The greater an emphasis placed upon your position, the more irrelevant it becomes. The more you are given to govern, the less you need pay attention to. Think about it.

Bitter half thoughts like this sweep through a mind when it knows how hard tomorrow will be on only three hours of sleep. The bargaining begins... if I fall asleep now, I can set the alarm fifteen minutes later and still get three and a half hours... I've operated on three and a half hours before... as long as that coffee is ready to go when I hit the floor... it's the first twenty minutes that hurt the most... just get the feet over the edge of the bed... take a left-over prescription pain killer and you'll be okay... nobody smiles on Wednesday anyhow... we all hate that damn meeting... if you're an hour late, who's gonna call you on it? You'll still be in fifteen minutes before than anyone who outranks you... just early enough to print out the notes... they all think you're a genius and you're just bullshitting them right along you ass-sucking fake you.

So many people could do your job a billion times better than you... but you... you lucky bastard... you hooked onto a ship of fools. Nobody knows their armpits from their assholes, and you're just coat-tailing it right along. What does that say for intelligent design? Lord, if they ever knew how generous you actually are... you could have robbed them blind by now... you karmicly challenged moron.

Go to sleep. Quit thinking. Quit thinking out loud and just...

Just what? You don't escape critical absorption like that. It's like a schizophrenia, a duality of yourself... all at once knowing how insane you are and at the same time, insisting that there isn't a damn thing wrong with your head. Looking at the apparitions and delusions and simply refusing to acknowledge their presence. Being constantly haunted by a plaguing memory of a more important, vital and integral past... having naught but a dismal future to resist an all too tempting fantasy...

It's gone too far now. It's time to take a sedative or something. Put your head in a bag and hyperventilate until the Co2 knocks you out cold.

If you are not comfortable sitting next to an emergency exit, please notify your steward and we will re-seat you.

Never too late to jump a sinking ship, except, of course, after it hits the bottom.

You'd think yours truly was deeply depressed, but you have to understand that this is the kind of bullshit that runs through his oil-pan on a daily basis. Sure, he's a hard worker and he does everything expected of him in the most proficient manner he's capable of, but all the time there's this load of crap trickling like a leaky faucet through his mind... how false it all is, and how stupid the whole endeavor has become and how meaningless they've managed to make it in such a short, short time.

And the biggest laugh of it all, is that some of them think they know exactly what he's thinking about. The ones who think they're the most clued in are the ones missing the whole point, and it's funny to watch them nod their heads as if they're sage and wise and totally informed. As if they think they know him... crickets-on-a-cracker buddy, they know nothing of him.

I don't know him. I can't figure out what the hell he's doing here, what he's supposed to accomplish, what's expected, what's pre-ordained. Who's ideals, exactly, are being pressed upon him and who the hell do they think they are to insist anything of him to begin with? Who's approval is he trying to win and why? Will that approval make him a better person? A more valuable human being? Will his willingness to herd along with the masses and chant the mantras improve his standing in whatever oblivion awaits his tired, bored, restless soul? Why strive so hard to "get it right" when nobody know's what the bloody hell "it" is?

Do YOU know what “it” is? (You were given every chance to avoid this, you know.)

Could be, just maybe, yours truly is nothing more than an exceptionally fortunate ape after all. All this fighting against base instinct just to find out that he's driven himself to extinction. Love and honor, cherish and obey... have you ever see a lion on the savanna taking marriage vows? (and those damn lions are about as regal an image as humanity's been able to come up with) A role model, so to speak, discounting the natural instinct of the lion to take multiple wives and kill rival offspring, that is. Which everyone will agree is only natural, but we humans must have morals. It's what separates us from... well... from ourselves. Our "base instincts" which God gave us, but never forget are evil all the same.

Y‘know, it might be wise to really, really think about forgetting anything yours truly might ponder upon from this point on. I mean, it could get better, but chances are it will only get worse. But hey... if it’s the kind of thing you’re into... stay tuned.

Peace!

You Might Be A Rennie If... (vol. 3)

2005-10-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

Telling signs 41 thru 60...

41. Your parents don't recognize you OUT of costume.

42. You're in the privy and you don't notice the stench.

43. You call your Festival parents Mom and Dad and your real parents by their given names.

44. You can use the word "verily" in a sentence.

45. You cough up enough dust to fill a sandbox.

46. You can discuss the pros and cons of nylon vs. cotton lycra leggings... and you're a guy.

47. You bring bells, sticks, and hankies to aerobics. (Morris Dancers)

48. You look at a new vest and wonder where the sleeve ties are.

49. You can name the sheep your shirt came from.

50. You can't wait till the end of summer so Festival can start.

51. It's snowing and all you can think is, "At least the weather is period."

52. You describe your religion as "bodice worshiper".

53. You bring a wooden bowl with you . . . to work.

54. You're surprised when somebody *isn't* pagan.

55. You have more leather working tools than wood working tools . . . and you're a carpenter.

56. You miss having sex in a tent.

57. You name your tent.

58. You bow to your boss.

59. You name your hamster "Percival the Avenger".

60. Someone says they make computers and you ask, "What kind of pewter is that?"

You Might Be A Rennie If...(vol. 2)

2005-10-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

Items 21 thru 40...

21. You wonder what every girl you meet would look like in a bodice.

22. You can point out all the costume mistakes in Henry the VIII.

23. You feel rich because you have a pewter mug instead of a wooden one.

24. Your boots are worth more than your car.

25. You critique all Shakespeare movies based on accent.

26. You think of bagpipes as dance music.

27. You can spot a "costumed patron" on sight.

28. You correct your history teacher.

29. You greet a policeman by saying, "Good den, my good constable."

30. You've had more faire husbands/wives than real ones.

31. A friend asks if you know where to sign up for a self defense class and you send them to the fencing booth.

32. The first thing you do when you get home is shower...the second thing you do is get undressed.

33. You correct "William Shakespeare" when he's quoting himself.

34. You've gotten to the point where you *like* the taste of mud.

35. Rock and Roll starts to sound like noise.

36. You have more cloaks than Batman.

37.Someone accuses Shakespeare of being a ghost writer and you jump up outraged yelling, "He wrote those himself...I was there."

38. You talk about paying for stuff in "pounds" - and you aren't in England.

39. You know more about your Faire "Family" than your own.

40. You find a dead bug in your food and keep eating.

You Might Be A Rennie If... (vol. 1)

2005-10-11T06:41:00.000-07:00

Borrowed this list from the Howl-O site. There's actually 100 reasons, so I'll present it in 4 instalments. If you're not a rennie and you need an explanation of any of these, let me know and I'll provide!

You might be a rennie if...

1. You have the urge to build a campfire in your back yard and sing bawdy songs.

2. You have a list of Renaissance insults and use them at work.

3. You save chicken bones, tie them to a string and give them to someone as a toy.

4. You're proud of the fact that you were involved in a privy packingthat included a very large Viking, 3 women with huge horned hats, and15 other assorted characters all in ONE privy when the temperatureoutside is 90 degrees.

5. You sell privies as luxury condos.

6. You play "Chinese fire drill" in the privies.

7. You actually enjoy sweating.

8. You go to see "Braveheart" in full costume, and shout, "FREEDOM!" at the end.

9. You can find costume accessories in a hardware store.

10. You have more costume pieces in your closet than "regular" clothing.

11. You bring your leather mug to your local pub.

12. You use candles and lanterns inside your house instead of electric lights.

13. Your husband is more turned on by unlacing your bodice than by sexy black lingerie.

14. Your wear knee-high boots year round.

15. You're shopping and you ask, "How many pence is this, good sir?".

16. You don't mind going several days without a shower.

17. You feel uncomfortable out of a chemise, corset, bodice and two skirts.

18. You get mugged and tell the mugger his cheap dagger is going to rust.

19. You only know your best friend by their Festival name.

20. You wonder what clan your new plaid tablecloth belongs to.

Faire Thee Well!

2005-10-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

Well... I will post the item I'll be submitting to the RRR once it's written, but that's only a recap, not a review. A recap is the facts only, whereas a review is opinonated. Well, I can't write the former without first writing the latter.

So, here it goes....

"Dear latter..."

Bad joke.

Seriously... the Great Plains Renaissance Festival is held in a large county park, and it's a very
nice area.The faire gounds themselves were a little lacking in terms of shade, but not impossible to find spots of it, and it wasn't that hot a day. Nice layout. Had the merchants arranged in what amounted to a big circle with a few "streets" cutting through the middle at opposite directions. It was a fairly large site, and it seemed like all the merchants had enough space that walking between tents didn't feel like an intrusion. The main lanes were maybe 30' wide or so... it looked like they could easily handle two or three thousand without feeling to crowded. I couldn't estimate a gate if it fell on my head, so I won't speculate how many were actually there, but there was plenty of room.

Great entertainment. Saw a couple of acts I'd not seen or heard of most worthy of mention. First, the Scaliwags, a pirate bunch that have a really fun show to watch. From gathering a crowd to pass of the hat, they're a neat bunch.

The Heavy Metal Combat troupe was awesome. I would say it's the BEST spectical of men in full armor beating the crap out of each other I've ever seen. Okay... no... they didn't have Louisville Sluggers in the renaissance, but when you get to see a couple of guys take after each other with a couple in each hand... I'm sorry but it's a must see. I can't say enough about 'em. If anyone out there is looking to land a SOLID combat show in lieu of a joust (or in conjunction with one) better get ahold of these guys. Wish I could tell ya how... I was too slow to get a card or anything. *drat!*

And, at last, Howl-O live. Best two-person music act out there. I'm a fan. Ren Radio doesn't do justice. See them. Do it.

Oh, and the Renaissance Sword Theater was present. These lads and lasses fight with live steel and fight to the touch, by pressing the flat of their blade to a scoring area of the opponents body between the knees, elbows and shoulders. Now, they wear no armor. No armor, no plastrons, no helmets or masks... but they're so good at what they do you never feel there is any real danger. Not because they're slowly poking at each other. They move at pretty impressive speed. Great show.

Right down to the street characters, it was fun. There was this cute little mime, and she was just a hoot. Yah, imagine that... seeing a mime you don't actually want to punch. A girl on stilts dressed like a tree. Highland games for little kids (a 8' long PVC pipe for the caber toss... how CUTE!) and some pretty interesting belly dancers. At least, I found them interesting. Of course, I find most belly dancers interesting.

Aaaanyway... nice fair, great time. I know it's a long way for most of you, but if ya ever get a hankering to go to a different faire from time to time, it's worth your time. It has the official ESV Stamp of Approved Merriment Locale.

P.S. (Did I mention it's a wet event? Tripple huzzah)

Promotions... or: "how to get a gig"

2005-10-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

I just finished sitting with a friend of mine who's pretty good with a computer video editing program. We've taped about 6 of our shows over the summer, with the ultimate goal being to put together a demo tape for potential presenters to view. Some of those Renaissance Faires I keep blabbing on about have auditions, and when you pull your cast together from three different states, it can be hard to manage all the logistics neccissary to get everyone to an audition that will only last ten minutes or so... especially when it might mean a three, five or seven hour drive each way.

How to overcome that? The audition tape, of course. Not exactly a new concept, in fact it's been used for years and years. However, now that almost any average joe can sit down in front of a computer, copy VHS footage as .avi files, add title menus, testimonial screens, contact information screens etc etc, the world of audition DVD's have dawned. Now you can sort through those old tapes, pick out the best bits and string them together with fancy fades, wipes or lightning flashes between clips. You can put your best foot forward (or in your mouth, I guess...) and get all the pertanant information out there on one little disk of... ...I'm not sure what DVD discs are made of. Something oil based I'm sure.

So now, we can audition from coast to coast... as long as you consider Indiana one coast and the border between Colorado and Utah the other coast. (Hey, we're still starting out after all... we'll concentrate on the midwest and be happy with it for now.)

Anyway, I was really excited as we editied the thing together. Ten years ago you would have had to go to a professional studio, pay vast sums of money for the editing and less vast although still significant sums of money for the tapes... the big, bulky, costly to mail VHS tapes. Now you can sit down with a friend, spend a relatively small amount of time in front of the computer, and basicly reproduce that whole process for about the price of a six-pack of Rolling Rock.

Huzzah technology! For once you're actually on my side!

Now the next phase... figuring out how to post some of that stuff on the internet and reach and even WIDER audience! (And with the current trends of waist-line growth in America, that's easier every day. Okay... bad joke. I'm good at bad jokes.) But, how can they hire you if they

A) Don't know you exist?
B) Don't know what you do?
C) Don't know how to get in contact with you?

Three things I'm happy to say we're doing our best to correctify. (my word) So... keep a weather eye out, for it shouldn't be long before I'll provide a link that will take you to our on-line video demo. (And by "shouldn't be long" I mean sometime before April of 2006)

Peace!

Arrr Me Maties....

2005-10-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I promised to write about pirates, so hold on to yer stripey stockings mates... here she be!
Crikey... where to start. Okay... firstly, if you go to a Ren Faire you're going to see pirates, that's almost a given these days with the popularity of Depp's Pirates of the Caribbean. However, the pirates you'll most likely see will (for the most part) be a little ahead of the times.

The popular image we associate with pirates is almost a complete fiction. There are kernels of accuracy, but what you're most likely to encounter is the Hollywood version of pirates, which is a highly romanticized version of what pirates really looked like. Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Captain Blood... pirates didn't look like that. Real pirates would have laughed at these dandies. Once again, I'm not going to go delving into how pirates really dressed or behaved, but suffice to say that what you'll see at faire is a little skewed from reality.

The pirates you're going to see at most faires will be drawn from stereotypes associated with a period of history called "The Golden Age of Piracy." (GAoP fer short) Loosely defined, it was a period of history roughly between say 1700 and 1850 ish, long after the renaissance had ended. Tri-corn hats, captains coats, yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum and all that don't belong in the renaissance.

Not to say there weren't pirates during the renaissance... there most certainly were. In fact, piracy has been around since the second boat was crafted (In order to steal stuff from the first boat.) Some would say the vikings were pirates. Caesar was captured and held prisoner by pirates. The Barbary Corsairs ruled entire nations. Famous figures such as Sir Francis Drake and yes, the most esteemed Sir Henry Morgan participated in piratical activities.

I hear ya yellin'... Drake and Morgan were privateers, not pirates. Okay, yes, those two gentlemen held Letters of Marque from Queen Liz, but Letters of Marque were only 'official' during times of legally declared war. Both Drake and Morgan sacked Spanish colonies on the Main during periods of official peace. Those pillages were acts of piracy, plain and simple.

Back to the point... there WERE pirates during the renaissance, but we don't have a lot of good reference material on what they looked like. Besides, if you want to be recognized as a pirate, it's almost necessary to don the sort of garb that the largest majority of people will associate with pirates. It's a concession of sorts, but one that's not altogether a bad thing.

There are a lot of pirate reinactors who go to great lengths to create garb that is accurate to the GAoP period. The thing is, you look at them and you can't really tell that they're supposed to be pirates. They look like any other common sailor of the Merchant Navy. A common tactic for pirate attacks was to make a prize vessel believe they were a whaling ship or a fellow merchant. That wouldn't work very well unless the pirates looked just like any other sailing crew. And, quite frankly, there isn't much fun in explaining to people what you're supposed to be. So, to a certain extent, pirates at renaissance faires are given a little latitude in the garb department.

Besides... if you can allow faeries and trolls to wander around your faire, you gotta cut the pirates a little slack as well.

The truly astounding thing is that people just love pirates. Thank you J.M. Barrie. Thank you Robert Louis Stevenson. Thank you Muppet Treasure Island. Thank you Gilbert and Sullivan. Thank you Johnny Depp. You've turned some of the most evil, sadistic, brutal, treacherous, murderous and sexually depraved men that ever existed into sex symbols for ladies to swoon over and cartoon characters for children to clamor around. Let's just forget all those rapes, murders and wholesale slaughter of entire village populations. Let's ignore the tossing of innocent victims overboard to the sharks. Let's pretend that long months of starvation, disease, exposure to blistering heat, malnutrition and non-existent hygiene never came into play. Let's just say that pirates never traded in African slaves or kept kidnapped women as sexual playthings. It's all too gruesome.

Let's instead imagine pirates as handsome, swaggering, devil-may-care anti-heroes who are simply misunderstood good guys; who by ill-fortune or chance are forced to sail under the black flag, but deep inside they're kindly, romantically inclined, debonair in a rough-hewn way, smooth talking rogues who never meant any harm and the perfect people to hire for your 10 year old's birthday party, even if they do wear eye-liner, mascara and pinky rings.

Don't get me wrong folks... I'm doing fairly well for myself playing a pirate character, and it's a ton o' fun. Women adore us, kids want to be like us, boyfriends and husbands don't trust us (with good reason I might add) and we're in demand. I can't wait for the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie to make us even more popular. It's just that as a pseudo-serious student of history, I can't ignore what it is we're actually portraying. Not that I believe a good remedy for this is to slit a few throats at the next faire, rifle through a couple of mini-vans, throw some young wench over my shoulder and make a run for the open sea. That would just be silly. And illegal. And wrong.

Given an accurate portrayal of a pirate and a not-so true to life portrayal that people will find entertaining, I'll take the lesser of two evils.

Enough rambling for now. This weekend we're off to the Great Plains Renaissance Festival in Wichita Kansas. Not working as entertainers, just going to check it out and have fun. I think I'm supposed to write a re-cap for the Regional Renaissance Reporter, which (if it turns out any good) I'll reproduce here as well. Have a safe week everyone, and look out for pirates!

Peace!

Back In The Saddle

2005-09-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been a touch on the busy side lately folks, and I'd love to explain why.

About fifteen years ago I thought my academic life had come to an end. I won't go into all the gory details of my first attempt at a college degree... Suffice to say that it didn't exactly go well. I fell into a very common trap of not knowing how to conduct myself without parental guidance and some modicum of maturity. I had earned scholarships, grants and all those wonderful things that gave me a financial advantage, and literally drank them all away. That first wonderful, sinful taste of freedom was too much for my tender age to handle. I failed almost every class, not due to lack of ability, but lack of effort.

I hung out with the fraternity boys, drank myself stupid, slept in late, skipped classes and made myself into one big fat failure. Basically, I squandered the opportunities life had presented me with. Yes ladies and gentlemen, opportunity knocked, and I told it "the check is in the mail."

Problem was, that check bounced. After one semester I had a stunning GPA of 0.00 and no chance of redeeming myself in the eyes of those institutions that help dumb kids like me. However, I wasn't about to give up quite yet.

I knew that I could never ask my folks for help. I mean, I could have... but I couldn't bear to bring myself to actually requesting that aid. My father would have been so very disappointed with me, and although he may have relented and given or loaned me the cash to remain in school, I was determined to make things work on my own for once. Take some responsibility and grow up.

So, I stayed in school, taking odd job after odd job... working for the school, fast food joints, as a movie projector operator, a grave-yard shift box stacker at an egg processing factory (the "eggplant" as I called it) and scrapping together enough cash to stick around school for a whole four years, in which time I managed to accumulate exactly 45 credit hours, almost all of them in theatre classes.

However, realizing my position as a fourth-year sophomore was both embarrassing and less than productive, I fell back on an old theatre axiom: "There comes a time when school just doesn't do the trick... you gotta get out there and "do it"

So, having a bit of technical know how, that's what I did. Went out and started finding jobs as a scenic carpenter, props intern... etc etc etc. That's a whole new story and not really to the point here.

Point is, in 2004 my wife, who's academic career worked out much better than my own, landed a job at Kansas State University teaching scenic design and painting. We moved to Manhattan KS, and I found out that there are very few jobs in the theatrical field in Manhattan KS. So after a year of working a few freelance gigs, I decided I couldn't bear sitting on the couch for weeks at a time any longer, and enrolled at KSU as a transfer student. A non-traditional transfer student.

A 36 year old sophomore.

With over a decade of professional experience in my major.

So, naturally, when a lighting designer couldn't be found for the first production of the year, my phone rang. Now, I don't know if the name John Uthoff rings any bells with anyone, but he's the resident lighting designer at KSU, professor of tech theatre, and (go figure,) current president of USITT (United States Institute of Technical Theatre) When the president of USITT asks you to design lights for a show, it's really really really hard to turn him down.

Even if you haven't designed a light plot in 17 years. See, I'm not much of a lighting person... I'm a scenery type. I like to design and build sets and props. I'm one of those folks who affectionately refers to electricians as "sparkys." But, again, the president of USITT asked me to do this thing...

So, to end this already too long entry, the last week of my life has been spent peering intently into 750 watt lightbulbs, re-learning how to program a light control board, chewing my fingernails to the hub and seeing the sun only rarely and never for more time than it takes to walk from one building to the next. On top of the reading assignments, the research papers, the note reviews and oh yeah... let's not forget going to class, I've felt a little snowed under lately with responsibility and commitments.

And ya know... it's been GREAT.

So... that's what's up. Sorry for the break from renaissance themed stuff, but man does not live by silly clothing alone. Next up: Pirates and Renaissance Faires. Promise.

Peace!

Ren Faires 101

2005-09-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking that just in case there are visitors who are unfamiliar with the whole "Renaissance Faire Scene" that I'd take a little time to do a basic description of what they are and the kinds of people who frequent them. Now, I'm going to try very hard to avoid falling into modal personality descriptions here. These comments will be highly generalized, and there are always exceptions to the stereotype.

Renaissance Faires and Festivals (henceforth refered to simply as "faire") are events that attempt to either re-create or simply represent a period of history that occured in Europe between approximately 1400 and 1650 or so. We could get into a very complex conversation (or argument even) about the exact dates of the renaissance, which we won't. Suffice to say that it started in Italy and spread across Europe, also having some influence in parts of Asia. Many of the faires you will see in the United States are based around Brittish themes, since we Americans tend to forget (or ignore) that the renaissance came very late to England, Wales, et al. What you'll see at many American faires is a little more "Elizabethan" than it is Renaissance, but these are nit-picky distinctions. Most faires run in the spring and fall, depending on local climate, but you can find mid-summer faires and some cold weather events as well.

There are two basic types of faire: "Permanant events" and "Tent events." Permanant events are usually fairly large in size and scope, with (as the name would imply) permanant structures featuring period archetectural designs and fascades. (Also called "hard events") They are usually run by corporations, have financial backing in the form of sponsorships from local buisnesses and attract tens of thousands of visitors. They'll run for extneded periods of time from three weeks to three months usually on a friday - sunday schedule. They will feature a huge number of merchants and craftspeople, food vendors, multiple stages (8 to 12 or more) of entertainment and "village casts" that may number in the hundreds. For a "total immersion" type atmosphere, these types of faire are fantastic. For performers, they can be very hard to get a gig at... but more on that later. I haven't been to a lot of perm events, but I've been to the faires in Kansas City KS, Shakopee Minn and Larkspur CO. All of which I have enjoyed thoroughly. Admission for these events can be anywhere from $10 to $25

Tent events (or "soft events") as you might expect, are faires where merchants bring and set up tents... they're like little villages that suddenly spring up out of nowhere. They range in size quite drasticly... some as small as an acre, some as large as the permanant sites. The ones here in the Midwest that I am most familiar with are usually in the neighborhood of 60 - 80 tents and 4 or 5 entertainment stages. These faires will have all of the basic features of the perm events, just less of them. At some of the permanant events you could spend an entire weekend and not see "everything." At many tent events, you can see pretty much everything in a day. Tent events tend to be run by promoters or groups who may or may not have sponsorships, and often occur in public spaces, such as city parks or college campuses. Many are actually sponsored and organized by universities or civic organizations. There can be asthetic drawbacks to these faires in the form of incongruent baseball backstops, nearby roads or railroad tracks, metal picnic shelters etc. etc. Some go to great lengths to disguise these sorts of structures, others don't. Ticket prices range from free entry to $15

Which is better? Neither. They both have advantages and drawbacks. The kind of faire you will enjoy most is whatever suits your personal taste best. Permanant events tend to have more finances available and typically offer a much wider variety of shopping, activities and (some would say) better entertainment. They also may be subject to higher costs when it comes to purchasing food and beverages, merchandise etc. Tent faires (in my humble opinion) have more of a "community" feel to them, feature more interaction with the village characters and performers, are less crowded and quite honestly, cheaper to attend. On the other hand, they can on occasion resemble themed flea markets and be poorly organized.

Both types of faire can be very strict or very lax with "period" rules as pertains to the manner in which participants dress and behave. (I'll get more in depth on this subject when I talk about pirates in future articles.) Some insist on garb (you call them "costumes") that are as faithful as possible to a specific era (like 1520 - 1540 for instance) and require approval of garb by costume chairpeople. Some don't allow fantasy characters like wizards, elves and faeries. Others are far more lenient in regard to period and imaginary characters.

The people who attend faire are as varied as the types of faire. The regular "patrons" (or "mundanes" as we sometimes refer to them) who purchase tickets and wear t-shirts, shorts and wellys are the bread and butter. "Playtrons" are those who wear garb but still buy a ticket to get in (unless they're connected, and many of them are) and then you have participants. Some playtrons and participants try to get as close to the "real thing" as possible, others will try to at least be reasonably close to something period. And then there are the pirates.

As you can see, there exists a huge variety of faires, and no one description can do justice to them all. The only way to find out which appeals to you is to attend as many as you can and then decide which you like best. I've provided a couple of links to help you find faires below, and will add them to the links collumn as well. Happy Faire-finding!

Peace!

http://atthefaire.com
http://www.renaissancefestival.com/
http://www.faires.com/

What the heck is a MOPO?

2005-09-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, this seemed like as good a time as any to explain what a MOPO is.

No, it's not a moped. Well... okay, it is a moped, but not in the context I'd like y'all to concentrate on.

In this case, MOPO stands for the Ministry Of Petty Offenses. See, I've been a Renaissance geek for years and years. My older brother, Jerome, used to tour the ren circuit years ago with a variety act called Rogue, Oaf and Fool. I caught the bug when I was 13 or so, and it's never left me since.

A few years went by, and I was still going to faire (but now my wife was going with me... more on her later) and getting all garbed up and playing a character and such, but we were always paying to get in the gate. Finally, two summers ago, I saw an ad for a new faire in Omaha NE was looking for volunteers. I thought, "what the heck... why pay to get into these things if I can get in for free?" so I volunteered and worked the gate as a greeter. At long last I was one of those irritating people who heckle and embarrase you when you walk up to the ticket booth at faire!

At any rate, I guess I must have done well, because by the next summer, I had managed to put together a small four person act and we were doing both street and stage performances. The basic schtik is that we set up a pillory (see photo from "What I'm Doing For My Birthday) and put people in it for commiting silly crimes like wearing red on a saturday, not sharing their funnel cake etc etc. Our stage show is a sort of Kangaroo Court (just out of curiosity, does that phrase offend Austrailians?? Or Kangaroos?) So... thus the Ministry Of Petty Offenses was born, or for short it's just MOPO. So now instead of paying to get into a faire, 7 times out of 10, we're getting paid to be there!

Up to now, we've been working small tent faires, mostly in Iowa. However, we're optimistic about our chances to expand into larger markets (or we may simply be delusional, but you gotta dream big) and so we've begun what I affectionately call --

(drum roll)

The March Of The MOPO! (Huzzah!)

So, you can probably expect that this blog will serve as a pseudo-documentary of MOPO taking it's first real baby steps into the confusing world of renaissance themed entertainment. And, of course, we'll talk more about me along the way as well.

Peace!

P.S. To learn more about MOPO, clicketh thee hence: http://www.ministryofpetty.com

Well, why not?

2005-09-16T15:05:00.000-07:00

Yah, yah... okay. So I've caved to pop culture. I've given up on one of my most adhered to tenants... "I will not follow the crowd. I will be my own damn person."

Just by reading this you most likely know what I'm talking about. Yes, the subject of my first blog is so totally original it's entirely likely nobody saw it coming. It's so obscure, so off-beat, so mind-numbingly in contrast to human impulse that the very concept will leave you sitting in a pool of your own awe.

My first blog is all about... blogging.

Wow. Amazed yet?

Well, you would be if you knew me. I'm not much for talking about myself, my experiences or what's new in my life. If you call me on the phone and try to elicit some sort of meaningful conversation out of me, probably won't say much more than "uh-huh," "right on," "cool" "far out" and "thanks for calling." Even though every day brings new experiences and insights, I hesitate to share them verbally, as I often have trouble formulating entire sentences in my head.

Writing... That's a different issue... to some extent. I won't write you a long letter to catch up on missed years unless you prod me into it. Personal communication is NOT a strong point for me. However, I'll write Star Trek based fan fiction for hours on end, (even though those characters are all me to a certain extent and all seem to share my basic philosophies on life) and PLEASE give me a research paper to write... enough of these mamby-pamby multiple choice exams that make me utilize 4% of my brain power... I want essays and papers... the longer the better. No 750 word limits for this guy. Hell, my outlines are 4,000 words alone. Do you know how much work it takes to condense a 4,000 word outline into a 750 word paper? It's stupid insane!!

So... anyway... I communicate best through written word. Typed word. Digital words, as it were... alternating pixels of black and white. (With some green, I guess.)

So here I am blogging. Why? Mostly because an old friend of mine sent me the url to his blog site and I was blown away. Sure, I hang out on message boards, but how often do you really get a chance to write anything of length or substance on a message board? (Don't start expecting long and substantial blogs here... you might be disappointed.) So, I figured... this might be a chance for me to put my opinions and experiences out there in the open and who knows... stir up a little interest from time to time from people who... um... read blogs, I guess.

Oh okay... it's also a convenient way to let folks know what I'm up to these days. And make bad puns. And share a funny experience. And avoid homework. And kill time between football games. And use terrible sentence structure without worrying about my grades. And pimp my performance group. And... I'm sure I'll think up more things as I go along.

So... welcome to the March. Toss me a comment if you like, or don't if you dislike. Next episode we'll discuss my favorite subject: Me.

Peace y'all

What I'm Doing For My Birthday...

2005-09-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

Wow... off to a great start. Two blogs in one day. Point is, I'll be spending the start of my 37th year in Nodaway Iowa at a Renaissance Faire... torturing the innocent with this awe inspiring device...